POPE’S DOCTRINE: Leave me to my turtles

by publicationarchive

So Arizona has been a hot topic lately 8212; as it should be. I mean, the events there are really just tragic.

I don’t really keep track of current events, so I’m just assuming the controversy is surrounding the terrible no-call for an obvious facemask penalty, which cost Green Bay the game in that Packers / Cardinals NFL playoff game in January.

I’m a little perplexed as to why it took so long for the national media to give this story attention, but justice is justice. Your time has come, Karlos Dansby. It’s time for you to pay for that ridiculous K in your name.

But all this political talk is a good segway to this anecdote: With my time remaining as a student at San Diego State dwindling rapidly, I’ve become rather introspective in my final weeks. After class on Tuesday, I stopped at the turtle pond for a few minutes. I like turtles. What I don’t like are creepy Mexican couples making out while I’m trying to enjoy said turtles.

While I was there, minding my own business, I got hit up by some 50-year-old woman seeking signatures for a petition. This really annoyed me. I’m rather indifferent when it comes to politics (I think you’re stupid and wrong, regardless of what you believe), so there aren’t many petitions I’m looking to sign. Unless you’re promoting Proposition 72, which creates more awareness among attractive women of how hilarious and awesome David Pope is, I’m not signing anything.

Just last week, I went to the beach (because I like random passersby to know exactly how skinny, unathletic and pale I am) and the Greenpeace people were out in full force. I’m sure those hippies do great work 8212; or at least I hope so, considering they apparently don’t have time to wash their clothes or bathe 8212; but the beach, much like a college campus, is not the place you’re going to get people to commit to your organization.

What they need to do is post up outside a bar around last call. Drunk dudes trying to impress girls will sign their life away if they think it’ll help them get laid. The military should take advantage of this, too.

Think abut it: If you’ve been spitting game at a girl in a tank top and bare feet all night, she’ll absolutely follow you home if you sign up to save baby seals. Or, if you’re trying to bone some chick wearing cowboy boots who’s going hunting later this month with her seven brothers, signing up for the Army is more than enough to seal the deal. In either case, you can handle the consequences of a binding contract later.

I’m not exactly sure where I was going with this (much like everything else I’ve written for this paper), but I’m graduating in three weeks and I don’t care.

If nothing else, I’d like signature-seekers to leave everyone alone. But then again, I also think Aaron Rodgers’ birthday should be a national holiday, so take my opinion for what it’s worth: Little.

8212;David Pope is an English senior. E-mail him at dpope@rohan.sdsu.edu

8212;This article does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.