Jon Glass / Staff Photographer

I absolutely love Christmas time. I love decorating and baking an exorbitant amount of cookies and spiced breads that are undoubtedly not to be found anywhere on the food pyramid. My dad and I start using Baileys as our coffee creamer because, let’s face it, it goes along with the holiday spirit. And of course, I enjoy having an entire month to rid myself of tests, lectures and those lovely attendance sheets. You definitely cannot put a price tag on that.

But along with the holidays come those dreaded gift exchanges with your honey.
Although this year my significant other actually happens to be not one, but two four-legged, furry animals by the names of Zeus and Maddie, I have decided to put together a short list (sadly from plenty of past knowledge and experiences) on what not to gift wrap for your sweetie this holiday season.

Electronics
So you happen to be browsing through Best Buy one Sunday afternoon, hoping that maybe, just by chance, there will be a 55-inch flat-screen TV you can finagle down to $300 bucks when you find her the perfect gift: a PictureMate photo printer.

Granted, this can actually be considered as a pretty rad gift (I would know because my ex gave me this one Christmas), but unless she goes to weekly scrapbooking parties with Mom, the only purpose this item will serve after a short time is to collect dust.

Rule number one: Unless you are going to Best Buy to buy her the first season of “Californication” or a digital camera, don’t even think about it. She is not going to coo over a PlayStation or Xbox that inevitably will get more use from you and your buddies. Word of advice: Save the gizmos, gadgets and anything from The Sharper Image for Dad. Trust me, he’ll appreciate them much more than she will.

Build-A-Bear
So you spent a solid two hours at the mall, dodged small children who were screaming at the top of their lungs and felt pity for their parents, whose facial expressions clearly showed an exuberant amount of stress, in order to make him your very own cuddly Build-A-Bear. You stuffed it with love, an automated voice recorder that belts out the lyrics to “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” and even dressed it in his favorite sports jersey. Ladies, I know you might think this is really cute and all, but for starters, no man wants a foot-tall teddy bear that sings him to sleep at night. He doesn’t want to cuddle with the teddy bear or giraffe or penguin 8212; he’d rather have you. Spare yourself the time. Dress yourself in his favorite sports team jersey. You’ll thank me.

Gift card
Nothing screams, “I didn’t know what to get you so I thought this might be nicer than putting money in an envelope” more than a loveable, huggable gift card. Gift cards are for the people who wait until Christmas Eve to realize the entire mall has already been bought out by the shoppers on Black Friday. Simply put: Gift cards are totally and utterly thoughtless.

However, if this particular gift certificate constitutes a relaxing day at the spa, you can definitely get lucky. But don’t have high hopes that a $100 gift card to Target will get you anywhere past the mistletoe.

“Practical gifts”
She accidentally broke one of her favorite wine glasses during movie night with the girls and hasn’t stopped whining about it ever since. He’s addicted to caffeine and hasn’t stopped groaning since the day his coffeepot magically decided to call in sick 8212; permanently. Her bathroom is grotesquely covered in both her and her roommate’s hair, making you wonder how they still have any hair left on their heads.

OK, OK, we’re in college. We all have a lot of “necessities.” But, this Christmas, do not, I repeat, do not buy your boyfriend or girlfriend a “practical gift” 8212; an item that is made for one deliberate function such as a vacuum or a feather duster. I know it might seem logical, but opening up a Swiffer WetJet or a food processor on Christmas morning doesn’t say, “I love you.” It gives off the “I’m so thoughtful that I got you exactly what you needed” jingle instead.

8212;Ryan Eisenacher is a journalism junior.

8212;This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.