Chocoholics anonymous

by Cami Buckman, Staff Writer

Some people are addicted to coffee, some people are addicted to Trivia Crack and some people are addicted to, well, actual drugs. While these may be appealing to a majority of the population, my drug of choice is the sweetest drug of all. Whether it’s when I wake in the morning, when I go to sleep at night or when I’m bored in an afternoon class, I must satisfy my craving no matter what the time of day may be. My name is Cami Buckman, and I am a chocoholic.

They say the first step to ending addiction is by admitting that you have a problem. Yes, I may have problem, but I am perfectly fine thriving in my chocolatey denial. I’ve done the research and, unfortunately, it appears as though there are no “chocoholics anonymous” meetings anywhere in San Diego for me to attend. What a shame. (Of course I haven’t actually done the research, why would I do that to myself?) With chocolate chip pancakes offered for breakfast, chocolate protein shakes for lunch and even chocolate-covered fruit for snacks, how could I possibly escape from the wonderful world of chocolate around me?

I believe it was the very wise and philosophical rapper O.T. Genasis who once said, “I’m in love with the cocoa.” Mr. Genasis, I could not agree with you more. This past March, Chance the Rapper stopped by San Diego State, and it was obvious that he was a suffering chocoholic as well. It’s clear that Chance the Rapper’s most popular song is none other than the hit “Cocoa Butter Kisses.” Now Chance, I personally may forget to add the butter, but I give cocoa kisses all the time.

“But Cami, I thought chocolate was only for dessert,” you might say. Well, you thought wrong. Saving chocolate for dessert is a major rookie mistake. As a chocoholic, I know how to navigate through all of my chocolate cravings during any time of the day. Craving chocolate for breakfast? Spread some Nutella on a waffle or enjoy a bowl of Cocoa Puffs? Is that afternoon sweet tooth aching again? Experienced chocoholics are always prepared to fix that by keeping small chocolate bars handy, such as Andes or York Peppermint Patties. Nonetheless, the variety of goodness for dessert is self-explanatory. From cakes to shakes and rice krispies to cookies, encountering chocolatey desserts is inevitable.

Now, as a chocoholic, I have many pet peeves that I can only assume other chocoholics share as well. We, as a chocoholic community, share the same state of agony when there are no more chocolate chips left to munch on as well as the state of wonder when staring into the mesmerizing beauty of a chocolate fountain. Here are just some of the annoyances that our community frequently encounters:

  1. Dessert options: No, I do not want your tutti frutti tart-cicle slushy pudding. Please be considerate and feed my chocoholic needs with some old-fashioned chocolate cake.
  2. Death by white chocolate: Don’t even think about giving me the monstrosity known as white chocolate. I do not know what demented person created that white filth, but whoever they may be deserves to be locked up in a mental institution.
  3. The most important meal of the day: There is no need to ask, of course I want dessert.

On a happier note, some consider chocolate to be healthy now. That’s right, it looks like dark chocolate is now a major food group next to the fruits and vegetables. Now, I might be paraphrasing something I heard on Dr. Oz just a tad bit, but doctors do say chocolate is good in moderation. Dr. Travis of “The Doctors” even encourages his patients to indulge in a chocolatey dessert after dinner. Who’s to say what moderation should be exactly? Perhaps “moderation” could mean eating half of a brownie, a whole brownie or maybe the entire pan. I’ll take the latter option.

By the looks of it, it appears as though my chocolate addiction isn’t ending any time soon. This year, I learned that the “freshman 15” is an actual thing — my chocoholic tendencies definitely aided my discovery of that. I know now that maybe it’s not best to spend a day’s worth of meal plan money on ice cream and Dove dark chocolate bars. However, why should we deprive ourselves of guilty pleasures? Sometimes being a little naughty is nice. Besides, life is sweet and so is chocolate.

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