Dating is terrifying. Halloween isn’t the only time you can be spooked. Ghosting happens regularly, leaving the one being ghosted confused and concerned.
Providing closure is the best way to tell someone you are not interested — rather than ghost the person who was more emotionally invested.
Closure requires an act of courage and many are cowards.
It would be accurate to compare my life to a novel. My experience with one guy makes up an entire chapter that was left unfinished. I’ve been wanting to know what went wrong the last two years, to find out why I was struck by rejection again.
Dating during college tends to go as follows — message a guy, go on a date, enjoy the date and never hear from him again. Officially being ghosted.
I tend to assume the extreme reasoning for a guy’s sudden disappearance. Did he get incarcerated? Did he die? Did he lose all access to technology? Does he have a girlfriend?
Or in my friend’s case, the guy she went out with suddenly moved to Sweden two days later without telling her.
Ghosting has become an epidemic and like too many of my girlfriends, I have endured too many of these incidents.
I cannot count the number of times a guy did this to me, leaving me to binge or sit in my car for hours belting out Adele ballads.
A couple of weeks ago, a guy finally gave me the closure I desperately craved. Our encounter was more relaxed than I had anticipated. I forgot how comfortable I was around him. His flirtatious gestures were obvious, while I stayed friendly. I liked his attention. Even after two years, our connection remained intact. The spark was still there.
What was supposed to be a ride to his vehicle, became an hour long conversation about our history. Nothing was left out. Without this, I was chained to the past, unable to forgive or forget what happened. Our relationship wounds were cleansed.
We said what we each wanted before. It turns out my expectations were different from his. We agreed that a future together was infeasible.
It made the two year period of uncertainty, self-doubt and resentment fade away. We were two adults who agreed that we were not meant to be together.
We still have chemistry. I adored our back-and-forth. The guy that once left me miserable was now making me laugh. I felt comfortable around him. I felt I could be myself.
I was satisfied with our ability to be honest with one another and to know that I had the confidence to put myself first.
Our chapter had finally ended.
During this Halloween season, be aware that the cheap party store decorations aren’t the only ghosts lurking around.