JAM: What’s in Your iPod

by Mark Jacobo

It’s happened to all of us before. You’re about to head out for school, work, or a jog, so you pop in your headphones and push play on your iPod, when suddenly a song comes on that you’ve never heard before.

At first you’re like,  “Just give it a few seconds, and then I’ll recognize what song this is.”

So you wait a second, but nothing familiar comes to mind, and you say,” Once the singing starts I’ll totally know who sings this song.”

The singing starts, but you still don’t know what the title of the song is or who sings it. Embarrassed and slightly frightened, you look around to make sure no one’s watching you in your struggle.

Everyone’s watching you. Your palms are sweaty, your heart is palpitating and the walls are closing in!

Well, turns out you’ve come down with a case of iPod Identity Disorder—and yes, I just made that up.

iPod Identity Disorder, or iID as it is commonly referred to, is when an individual is unaware of the music that inhabits their iPod. Usually this happens when people “share” the music on their iTunes—an act almost as filthy as unprotected intercourse with multiple partners.

Sure, sharing is caring. But when sharing results in iID, then believe me: caring was the last thing on their mind.

It’s even happened to me. I was enjoying some Adele when suddenly robot diarrhea—you heard me right, robot diarrhea—began to blast out of my headphones. Frightened, and rocking back and forth in a corner, I remembered how this music came to be on my iPod.

Yo bro, said my buddy, I’m going to import some music into your iPod. It’s some pretty dope @#$!.

If only I had known better! If I did, I wouldn’t have Skrillex on my iPod.