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Secret lovers, mistresses or homewreckers 8212; most people know who they are from personal experience or know someone who has encountered them. They are individuals who knowingly have romantic affairs with committed or married people. But whether one is the cheater or the cheated, someone always gets hurt.

One mostly hears stories of the man or woman in a relationship who strayed and betrayed their partner’s trust, but rarely is the other man or woman’s role in an affair exposed or discussed The story of the other person who may or may not have been led on or illusioned is rarely shared because of the humiliation or guilt felt afterward.

Some affairs begin with big promises and false hopes.

A San Diego State student, who wishes to remain anonymous, dated a married man with two children for one year. They were co-workers and their friendship quickly grew while his marriage crumbled. He had been married for 10 years and this would not be the first time he strayed from his marriage.

At first, they were just good friends and he would share his marital problems with her. Soon thereafter, he began to make promises of leaving his wife and finally getting a divorce. He started inviting her to parties and he also began attending her family parties. Things seemed to be working out, except that he was still legally married.

He would say he was going to divorce his wife because he was unhappy and wanted the other woman to be his girlfriend. Their courtship continued for months until one day this past summer, his wife came home and caught them both in the marital bed.

The wife angrily threw her out of the house and threatened her.

She never saw herself being in that situation and does not want to be labeled as a homewrecker, she said.

Now, months later, he has reconciled with his wife. Why someone in a committed relationship cheats is a question with no universal answer because everyone thinks and acts differently. Why someone outside that relationship would want to enter a dramatic and chaotic situation probably has a harder answer.

“I never expected him to leave his wife for me,” she said. “But I grew feelings for him.”
Things are grim for all parties once all the cards are laid out on the table. The girlfriend or wife in the relationship is equally hurt, confused and torn. Infidelity will put a strain on any relationship, married or not. Deception, lies and betrayal are not easily forgiven and much less forgotten in any situation.

Someone who has been cheated on often spends hours analyzing every detail and agonizing about the possible motives that led their partner to cheat. After the initial shock or rage, the cheated individual still has hope that their love is stronger than an affair.
Couples who intend to rebuild their relationship may find it difficult. If ties with the other person are not completely cut off, it may take months to try to put the broken pieces back together and regain the other partner’s trust. Doubts of the other person’s true feelings or insecurities of the cheating reoccurring may always linger.

“If you want to protect your relationship from infidelity, you must first protect your relationship from the silent killers 8212; jealousy, bitterness, low self-esteem and mistrust,” Dr. Laura Berman wrote in the article “Why Do People Cheat?” “The only way to do this is through honest communication. Reveal your true emotions and needs to your partner and encourage him to do the same.”

When the initial shock of an affair has subsided it is time for both people in the relationship to examine what role they played in letting the relationship fizzle. But if constant fights, guilt-trips and tears are shed, it may be healthier to call the relationship quits, according to www.webmd.com.

Just how there is no easy way to come to terms with a partner’s infidelity, there is no way to guarantee a partner will remain completely faithful.