1.) Two weeks ago in The Daily Aztec there was a really bigadvertisement about God. If that’s not capitalism at it’s finest thenI don’t know what is. It’s obvious that The Daily Aztec is a collegenewspaper: On one page we’re advertising five-foot bongs and on thenext we’re advertising God. (Note to self: buy a five-foot bong, nameit Mr. Happy, then purchase a Bible on the way home).
2.) My article of last week was about “What sucks” at SDSU. Itsucked so much that our sucky newspaper didn’t print it and give yousuckers a chance to read it. I have only one thing to say about that:”That sucks.”
3.) FYI: The winner of Elliot’s “That Sucks” contest is the newAmbassador Montezuma. Whose idea was the new Monty anyways? Putting apeacock on Monty’s head with Peter Pan shoes and ballerina socks justmakes Monty look like a transsexual drag queen at Mardi Gras.
4.) Runner up in the “That Sucks” contest goes to all those hatergirls in the Cuic diner. I mean, if, “So … you like croutons. … Ilike croutons” isn’t a good conversation starter, then I don’t knowwhat is.
5.) If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen that one posterthat says, “Beer, helping ugly people have sex since 1842,” then Iwould have enough money to move into Cuicacalli. The funniest collegeposter I’ve seen is the one that says, “Sex…I’m only two peopleshort of a threesome.”
6.) What the hell do you mean I can’t buy binder paper with mymeal card? I’ve seen people eat binder paper before.
7.) I’m not a mathematician, but I can still understand the basicSDSU equation: increasing student numbers x decreasing facultynumbers = classes big enough to fall asleep in and not get caught.
8.) What this school definitely needs is more frats with theirpersonality incorporated into their name. Before I graduate I’m goingto start up a nerd frat called Psi Phi (get it, sci-fi) and analcoholic frat called DUI (delta upsilon iota).
9.) The Libertarian Party says, “The problem with Democrats isthat they don’t want to let me keep the money I work for. The problemwith Republicans is that they don’t want to let me spend it on drugsand hookers.”
10.) How come at every party I go to I’m somehow always sitting inthe “Gimme a beer, bitch” seat? At the next party I go to I’m goingto be sitting in the “Get your own damn beer, bitch” seat.
11.) There was an advertisement in The Daily Aztec a week agoabout getting a breast enlargement through your navel. Did anyoneelse but me look at that and just think, “What the hell is that!”? IfI was a girl I would rather let someone give me a steel-toe boot tothe ass rather than take a shot up my belly button.
12.) Daily Aztec Assistant Opinion Editor Charles Crawford is aninformation and decision systems senior. I have no idea what thatmeans, but I do know he is going to make a crapload more money thanme in 20 years.
13.) The ARC is cool; but can anybody explain to me what’s up withthose simulator games? Nobody believes that pedaling on a bicycle andlooking into a TV screen at the same time actually makes it feel likeyou’re skiing.
14.) I’m sick of those “Dollar Saver” books. It’s just a simplemath equation when you think about it: two dollar savers on your wayto class + two dollar savers on your way back x five school days aweek = messy dorm room floor.
–Elliot Holt is an undeclared freshman.
–This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of TheDaily Aztec. Send e-mail to letters@thedailyaztec.com.Anonymous letters will not be printed — include your full name,major and year in school.
