As you are reading this, I am in Las Vegas. In fact, I’ve been here since Tuesday night.
There is a good chance that by now I’m in the middle of a shenanigans-filled quest to relocate Edward somewhere in the greater Clark County area after a night no one remembers.

I can only hope a silly, bearded Greek man and a baby are there with Glenn and me.
It’s hard to write a column when gambling, heavy drinking and free food, courtesy of the Mountain West Conference, are on the horizon. But I’m doing it anyway because the thought of not having my name show up next to your Sudoku this Thursday saddens me.

Anyway, this weekend I finally tried out Chat Roulette. For those who don’t know, www.chatroulette.com is a Web site where you converse with random people via webcam. And when I say random, I mean anyone on the planet signed on at that moment may show up on your computer. Oh, and it’s completely anonymous and uncensored; you don’t need to create a profile or account or anything.

Needless to say, there are a lot of penises to be shown and therefore be seen. But it’s all a part of the experience. Chat Roulette is not for the faint of heart.

From my research, I’ve concluded that Chat Roulette is used thusly: 12 percent of users are weird dudes showing their genitals, 16 percent of users are groups of teenagers or college kids huddled around a computer with nothing better to do, .001 percent of users are topless, attractive girls and 71.999 percent are random guys sitting at their computer hoping to find a topless, attractive girl.

But as I was saying, I tried it this weekend for the first time, and who did I get for my first random contact? Two topless, attractive girls. No, really. It happened.

Of course I didn’t have a webcam hooked up, so when they saw a black screen, they immediately clicked away. I like to think they would have stuck around if they had actually seen me, but I also like to think that if I ever got a chance to meet Emma Watson, she would fall in love with me. I enjoy my delusions, thank you very much.

But seriously, what are the odds of that? My roommates and I were trying (with four computers at a time, mind you) for the rest of the night to find someone interesting (and without a penis) but the best we got was a deaf girl who seemed slightly offended by my attempted signing of “What is your name?” I don’t know what I actually signed, but whatever it was, it doesn’t bode well for the ASL test I took on Tuesday.

So, I encourage you all to check it out. It seems creepy at first, but there are some fairly comical, creative people out there. Once you get past the excessive amount of dong, it’s really good fun.

Just pray to God your parents don’t find out about this. If you think your mom being on Facebook is embarrassing, just be happy there’s no way she’ll ever be able to figure out how to use a webcam.

8212;Did you love this column? Did you hate it? Have a topic you want me to discuss? E-mail me at dpope@rohan.sdsu.edu with any comments, questions or derogatory insults and you may see your message in my monthly mailbag column.

8212;This article does not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Daily Aztec.