SeaWorld is one of the coolest places to get a job. I worked there this summer and I can tell you it has its perks. For example, I got to see huge mammals devour pounds of food everyday – mainly because I worked at a restaurant.

But I also got to see Shamu everyday. Ever since he soaked me on my break, we’re pretty much homies, but more on that later.

Now I’m not exactly a model employee, but I try.

OK, sometimes I try my best.

There are times one could argue that I’m a great employee – at least I show up.

Let me give you some examples. First, I probably shouldn’t have called my supervisor a “retarded, brace-faced midget.” But she deserved it for making me mop the floor.

Apparently, she overhead a sarcastic speech I was giving about mopping being a woman’s job. So she said she thought I had enough estrogen to handle it. I guess that’s what I get for never filtering anything that comes out of my mouth. Most people need liquor to loosen up and say how they really feel. I just need an audience.

However, as a responsible employee, I readily admitted to my remark and apologized. My boss said I violated a “Code of Conduct,” but I told him the only code I adhere to is “the Code of the Mountain.” He looked at me stunned.

“What Code of the Mountain?” he asked.

“You know, Mountain Dew, boss – Code Red,” I explained.

He lowered his head, muttered something under his breath and told me to get back to work.

Another time, I accidentally offended a customer. It was definitely part of the (lack of) filtering problem I have. You see, at SeaWorld, we get many visitors from all over the world. So one guy came up and asked for a drink, and he was speaking Spanish too quickly for me to understand. Now, I passed Spanish 103 without much cheating, but I wouldn’t say I’m fluent. I probably wouldn’t even say I’m “asi asi.”

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. I can’t recall exactly what I said, but it contained the words, “Suave,” “Rico,” “slow” and “down.” Needless to say, my amigo wasn’t pleased.

The next time I got pulled aside by my supervisors was for “overt flirting at the workplace.” This one I can’t contest. But I don’t think the flirting was the problem, so much as the young woman’s age.

“How was I supposed to know she was 16?” I asked my boss.

“Well, Conor, all of our employees that are underage wear different color name badges,” he replied.

“Oh, that’s what those are for,” I nodded. “I thought that meant you were better looking than those of us wearing the black ones.”

I was getting used to my boss’s head shake.

Another time during one of my breaks, I snuck over to catch part of Shamu’s show. It was extremely crowded, so I was forced to sneak into the first row. Bad move – really bad move. I got completely soaked. When I went back to work, I told my boss it was a freak rainstorm. His head shake was developing into more of a tic.

For one reason or another, they didn’t ask me to come back after peak season. It’s too bad, Shamu’s really gonna miss me.

-Conor Shapiro is a poitical science senior.

-This column does not neccissarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.