Melancholy on the Mesa: “My girlfriend has a great personality, but sometimes it seems like she is flirting. She says that she isn’t, but it still bothers me and causes issues between us. What should I do?”
Love Guru: This is a delicate situation. You don’t want to seem jealous or insecure, but at the same time it’s important to communicate the way you feel to your girlfriend. First you should decide if you want to stay in the relationship. She may be a flirt by nature and this aspect of her personality probably will not change. If this is too much for you to handle, get out of the relationship. If you decide to tough it out, there may be another reason she flirts. Maybe she wants you to amp up your level of affection towards her. Take her out on the town for a romantic evening and make sure she knows how special she is to you. She may flirt less if she gets the attention she needs from you. If you’re still uncomfortable with the flirting, let her know how it makes you feel. Point out the fact that she may not realize she is being flirtatious, but you notice it. Keeping the emphasis on how it makes you feel instead of attacking her for what she’s doing will send a clearer message and make her feel more comfortable about the conversation.
Awkward Aztec: “I’ve gone on a few dates with this girl that I think I like a lot and I can definitely say I am either clueless or she is sending me mixed signals. I initiate contact and date planning, and she seems to welcome my efforts even if sometimes it doesn’t work out for scheduling or other reasons. What confuses and bums me out is that when it does work out and are on a date, she turns into a different person. She seems to be so uncomfortable being there or just seems standoffish. To be fair, I’m not the smoothest “MoFo” in the land and I’m sure she’s getting some awkwardness from me too. Is it a dating “don’t” to be completely upfront and say, ‘Hey look, I really like you, do you feel the same way?’ I honestly feel like I hit a road block and don’t know how to advance this relationship.”
The Love Guru: When in doubt, the direct approach is always best.
It seems like there is a lot of uncertainty in the interactions you have. Taking charge of the situation shows you know what you want and women will appreciate that. On another note, it’s OK if you’re not “the smoothest MoFo” out there. If things get awkward sometimes, that’s fine. Showing you’re an imperfect human and not a womanizing Lothario makes you relatable. You obviously have a sense of humor about it and you should use it when the two of you go out. As Alex Hitchens beautifully stated, “She may not want the whole truth, but she does want to see the real you.”
Case of the Ex: “My boyfriend of a year just broke up with me unexpectedly. He and I want to remain friends, but I’m worried that it’ll be too hard not to be affectionate with him or not see him as much as before. It would also kill me to see him with a new girl. But, I can’t imagine losing someone that I’ve been so close to. What should I do?”
The Love Guru: Breakups are always hard, especially if you love that person. But you have to give yourself time to heal before you can jump back into being friends. Your ex-boyfriend’s feelings should never be more important than your own. Give him some distance and let him see what he’s missing. If you move into the friend zone too quickly, you run the risk of getting into those old familiar habits. And before you know it, he’s getting all the perks of having you, without actually having to claim you as his girlfriend. As for seeing him with another girl, don’t be afraid to embrace your own sex appeal and flirt with a new guy and date other people. If you’re worried you won’t be able to have a platonic relationship with him, then don’t even try. If you are trying to be friends but you still have feelings for him and you see him with another girl, it’s going to hurt big time. Give yourself a chance to distract yourself and date other people. You’re young and have plenty going for you. Remember, you’re the prize. Be free and have fun. That’s what college is all about.
