”I recently just ended a casual fling with this guy. The problem is that now I’m starting to have feelings for one of his best friends and he’s shared that they are most definitely mutual. I really like this guy but I don’t want to create more drama. What do I do?”
Love Guru: It’s generally an unspoken rule that when you break up with someone, you should steer clear of that person’s close friends when seeking out future dating prospects. While I’d normally say to ditch this notion and follow your heart to true love, we have to look at the situation first. If you were the one to cut your tryst with this other guy short and it wasn’t the happiest of endings for the two of you to go your separate ways, consider his feelings before you make a beeline to his best friend. Chances are this guy still likes you and the worst thing you can do to him is flaunt your desire to date his friend. On the flip side, maybe he was the one to sever ties with you, causing you to feel you have no obligation to get his permission. In either case, woman up and have a conversation with this guy and encourage his friend to do the same. While the two of you may want to jump right onto the track to Relationship Land, the least you can do is be honest with the first guy so he doesn’t feel left in the dark. It’s called being respectful. Once you’ve done that, you should have no problem moving on to create your own happily ever after.
Frustrated Friend: During the summer, I met this really wonderful guy who I actually ended up liking at some point. The issue was that I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and he was really good friends with some of my family members. I felt like I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship and I didn’t want to make it awkward in the future if things didn’t work out. We hang out a lot and I really enjoy his company, but I don’t want to be anything more than friends. How do I break it off with him while trying to maintain the same type of relationship we have now?
Love Guru: First of all, the “just don’t want a relationship” cliché might just seem like an excuse to him. I would say stop hanging out with this guy one-on-one and avoid prolonged talking and texting conversations so he doesn’t feel like you’re leading him on. Instead, maintain the friendship by including him in group hangouts. Unfortunately, your relationship already changed because he developed romantic feelings. He just needs time to move on before things can return to how they used to be and feel less awkward.
On the Rebound: I just started talking to this guy that is recently out of a long-term relationship. We’ve been flirty for a while now, and he’s finally single, we’ve started hanging out more. But he’s moving really quickly with the relationship and it seems like I’m his automatic new girlfriend. Is this because I’m the first girl he’s dated since his breakup? I really like this guy and don’t want to just be a rebound. Help!
Love Guru: It’s important to keep in mind ending a relationship takes longer than the time people were in one. While he may show you attention now, it’s hard to shake feelings from a past relationship no matter how ugly the breakup was. Part of the reason he’s moving so fast may be to create a distraction from old feelings. If you want a serious relationship, you need to give him time to cope with any leftover baggage. Even if he swears up and down there’s nothing left, take things slow. This will save you a lot of heartache if he decides to give his past relationship another chance. Be sure he understands what you want and don’t be afraid of losing him. If the connection between you two is real and not a rebound attempt, things will work out.
She says ”he’s just a friend”: My girlfriend hangs out a lot with her male best friend, more than she does with me. It’s frustrating because it seems her friendship with him is more important than our relationship. How should I approach this situation?
Love Guru: Confidence is always key. Understand there’s a reason the two of them are just friends. If she wanted to be in a relationship with him, they would already be in one. She chose you for a reason. As long as you exude confidence in the relationship, she’ll pick up on it and find this quality attractive. If you haven’t met her friend already, you should. It’s important to show him your secure in your relationship as well. Any hint of weakness or jealousy could give him a window of opportunity if he’s interested in your girlfriend. It’s also important to respect the fact your girlfriend had friendships before you two started dating. Imposing rules about whom she can hang out with will only cause her to push you away. Sit down with her and open up about how the friendship makes you feel. If her relationship with her friend is innocent, she wont feel defensive once approached. She should appreciate your honesty.
