Friend Zone in Zura: I have liked my best guy friend for a long time. We have known each other for years and I definitely think it’s time for me to tell him how I feel. I just don’t know how to go about it. It sounds cliché, but I don’t want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship. What if he doesn’t feel the same way and can’t be friends with me anymore at the risk of it being too awkward? What should I do?
Love Guru: Here’s another cliché that might just solve your dilemma: Honesty is the best policy. Seriously girl, you’ve got to spill the beans! While this may not seem like the best advice, there really are no magic words to say which will guarantee he will respond the way you want him to. All you can do is say what’s on your mind. Do it in a setting where both of you are comfortable and make sure the two of you are alone. Don’t drive yourself crazy thinking of exactly how you want to express your affection—a simple “I like you” will suffice. As for how it will affect your friendship? Face it, one person having feelings for the other will naturally change the dynamic two people have. The difference will be how he treats the situation. If he doesn’t feel the same way, a true friend won’t let such a thing ruin the years you have spent together. In either case, you owe it to yourself to take a chance on love. The way I look at it, you don’t want to look back on your friendship and wonder, “What if?”
Labels in Lipinski: I’ve been seeing this girl, and it’s been going pretty well. We’ve gone out several times, and talked about seeing each other more in the future. Problem is, I don’t know how to define what we are. Are we dating? Or are we in a relationship? Love Guru, what’s the difference?
Love Guru: Let me break down the terminology of the dating world for you. Think about the words themselves. If you are “dating” someone, you are doing just that—you’re going out on dates with this person, getting to know them. This being said, you can be simultaneously dating multiple people. Now, before you start playing the field, Casanova, consider that, as a young person, you are in the stage of dating. It’s a time in your life when you get to know people, singling out traits of what you like and don’t like. This term can be used more loosely. As for a “relationship,” that’s an entirely different ball game. This implies more commitment, with the labels of “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” usually being attached to the dynamics of your pairing. You’re typically in a relationship if you have discussed both of you being exclusive with your significant other—to not date anyone else. To make it even simpler, try this rule of thumb for those tech-savvy daters out there: if you are serious enough with this person to be Facebook official, then you are in a relationship. Otherwise, you’re dating. Got it?
The flame is gone: I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years now and she is really amazing. Lately though, things have slowed down. The things that we usually like to do have become boring and I feel like I’m struggling to keep her interest. What should I do?
Love Guru: It sounds like spice is the missing ingredient here. Surprise her more often: Take her to a new restaurant or plan an adventure to a place you’ve never been before. You obviously know this girl well, so build upon her interests in new and exciting ways to regain spontaneity in your relationship. Have a bouquet of flowers sent to her work with a cute message attached and back it up with some good old-fashioned romance when she gets home. Some newfound zest will definitely turn her on and you’ll be back to your happy ways in no time flat.
Question: Recently, my boyfriend came to me and he wants to set a day aside for himself to go mountain biking with a group of friends. There are other girls in the group which makes me feel uncomfortable and honestly, a tad insecure. What should I do?
Love Guru: Let him take the day. Breathing room is important in any relationship and if he is allowed to take a personal day every once in a while, your relationship will be healthier for it. As for the other girls, you just have to trust him. Trust is a cornerstone in all relationships and if you can’t trust him, your courtship won’t last. Bending and twisting is the name of the game; it is all part of the sacrifice, which make relationships work. He is guaranteed to respect the fact you are willing to let him have personal freedoms and you might just see the outcome of a happier and better partner.
Cyber Stalker: I broke up with my girlfriend about three weeks ago and she is having a really hard time accepting it. She continues to blow up my phone, Facebook and email with sob stories and apologies. I don’t want to be the guy who has to resort to blocking people on Facebook, but this is getting ridiculous. Help!
Love Guru: The most effective way to handle this situation is to—like it or not—talk it out. You need to call her and put it all on the table. Be honest, even if it means using tough love. Your relationship is finished, so there’s no good reason she should be calling you all the time. If she still can’t take the hint, then your only choice is to drop the hammer and block her—if being “that guy” is your only way out, then do it.
