La Jolla Let Down: I haven’t been in a serious relationship in way too long. Every time I think I have a chance with a girl, they let me down hard and I have to start back at square one. What do I do?
If you’re having continuous trouble with the ladies, I’m assuming you have an ongoing strategy that you’re using. Stop with the monotony and switch things up! Go to different bars—there are a lifetime’s worth in San Diego. Or forget the bar scene altogether. As much fun as alcohol-driven mingling is, bars aren’t the best places to find people looking for something long-term. Also, switch up your wardrobe. A fresh new set of clothes might be the key ingredient to help boost your confidence and sweep a lucky lady off her feet.
Babysitter Boyfriend: I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and things were great until about a week ago. I didn’t tell him where I was last weekend, and we have been fighting ever since. I don’t know why he feels the need to constantly know where I am. I want our relationship to last, but quite frankly I’m tired of his constant supervision. Help!
Love Guru: First of all, you two need to sit down and talk about things. You should tell him where you went and then quickly move into the conversation about his helicopter-boyfriend license. Explain to him you truly want things to work out, but that from now on you will need more personal space. Being a boyfriend shouldn’t mean being a babysitter. A good idea might be for both of you to take a day apart from each other and do your favorite activities. Then, talk about your day and express how important personal freedom is to you and the relationship. Sometimes, a little space is all a couple needs.
Snogging at State: Should I feel guilty for making out with a guy while seriously discussing relationship possibilities with another?
Love Guru: Absolutely not. If you aren’t in a committed relationship, then there’s nothing wrong with experimenting with other people. Spontaneity is part of the fun of college life and sometimes, these things happen. At the end of the day, we’re talking about a make-out session here—It could have been much more intense, if you get my drift. If you truly can’t shake off your guilty thoughts, then the best thing to do is talk with your prospective boyfriend about it. Honesty is always the best policy and if he really likes you and wants to be with you, then he won’t make a big deal about it and things will continue as they were.
The Ex-Factor: I’m going home soon for the holidays back to my hometown and my ex-boyfriend, who I haven’t seen in a year, is coming home from the military. Though we got back in touch and talked all summer, I haven’t heard from him in months. I still have feelings for him because he is essentially the “one that got away” and who I have never truly gotten over. What if I missed my chance with him? I think I owe it to myself to find out. Is it a good idea to get together with my ex while I’m at home?
Love Guru: Returning home after the semester might take you back to your old stomping grounds, but it’s certainly not returning you back to your old relationship. It’s been a year since you’ve seen this guy. Has he sent letters, made phone calls or delivered carrier pigeons lately? If not, you may have to accept the fact that things between the two of you were not meant to be, especially if he hasn’t made an effort to reconnect. If your relationship was destined for greatness, then it would still be going on now, regardless of his military status. You may think he is the only one for you, but trust me, girl, he’s not.
At the risk of throwing out the old line, “There are better fish in the sea,” I’m here to give you a more applicable piece of advice. People who are supposed to be in your life are there to stay. If a year has gone by and you are expecting him to suddenly welcome you with open arms, you have another thing coming—namely, heartbreak. Seeing him at home won’t do anything except open old wounds, especially if things between the two of you ended on bad terms. If you focus your energy on this guy and things don’t turn out the way you want them to, you’ll only end up disappointed. Do yourself a favor and guard your heart—it’s meant for someone much more deserving.
Bad Boys: I’m a guy with a lot of friends that are girls. One in particular is currently dating someone who is all wrong for her. Not that I like her or I’m jealous or anything, but he treats her terribly. She is always waiting by the phone for him because he doesn’t make time for her, he constantly criticizes her appearance and he flirts with other girls right in front of her! I don’t want to see my friend get hurt, but she tells me to stay out of her relationship. Love Guru, why do girls like guys who treat them like this?
Love Guru: First of all, I don’t believe the adage, “Nice guys finish last.” There are plenty of women who are satisfied with men who are respectful, courteous and well mannered. That’s the way it should be, right? Unfortunately, society and the media reinforce this idea that the rude, untamed, rebellious guys are most attractive. From what I’ve seen, women are drawn to these types like bees to honey. Why? It could be that they like the challenge, seeing this guy as an opportunity for her to reform or win over. We’ve all seen the romantic comedies where the “bad boy” turns good for the girl who wins his heart. It could also be that she doesn’t know any better—maybe he reminds her of broken past relationships where this treatment is what she is used to. Sometimes, it’s hard for people to remove themselves from situations where they feel comfortable. In either case, I’d continue to be a good friend to her and look out for her best interests, but respect her enough to make her own choices. Unless she is in immediate danger, give her space. All you can do is hope that someday she will realize her worth and have enough sense to send this guy packing.
