Romance used to be something elegant- when you got butterflies in your stomach, the anticipation of seeing each other. Creating moments you share, and thrills of happiness and joy. No other feeling or instance could match these special moments. 

But as time moves on, it seems the golden days of romance are over, and the time of comparing, setting up expectations, and possibly ruining our relationships is here with the evolution of social media. 

There is no denying that social media is a powerful tool, but it is also the bane of existence for relationships. Every few years a new social media app makes its presence known, they have a new feature that makes them stand out in an already competitive field. 

We use social media to escape from the real world for minutes, hours and days on end.  When it comes to romance, we hide ourselves not only on social media, but also on any media in general. We read romance books to imagine ourselves living the lover’s life or we read them to remind us of our current situation. We see movies and shows that remind us of what we went through in the past involving a romantic fling. Movies like 500 Days Of Summer, La La Land, We Live In Time, and many others. We consume this media because we’re afraid of our situation not working out or not knowing what is next… even though the latter can create memories that we will remember for a while and make it all worth it.

In general, we can indulge and engage in the rabbit hole for almost any topic– if you know where to look for it. Our favorite show(s), our favorite music, and life advice on education, health, and finances.

Case in point, social media is at times our friend, whom we seek for advice in our best and worst of times, or it can be our mortal enemy when we start applying what we learned about someone’s love life to our own.

We can find countless videos in which many influencers give their take on love. They give their take on what it means that our crush said this or did that. They can explain their every action and every word in minute detail. Although some may see this as useful, others see this as dangerous for their relationships. 

Influencers and TikTok make us aware of some terms relating to our romantic life such as the  3-month rule, and pocketing. The 3-month rule states that only during the first three months do both people feel the butterflies and sparks fly between them. But if things go downhill after three months, then they were never the one for you. This rule forgets to mention that it’s impossible to get to know someone in three months, sure you may know one side of theirs, the one you like and possibly love. 

But love is not a fairytale, it’s full of twists and turns that determine and test your love. It is through these times that the love gets stronger, but in three months the love doesn’t get stronger, there just wasn’t love to begin with. 

Another term coined by social media is pocketing. It is when one partner intentionally avoids introducing the other to their friends or family members, or just entirely hides the relationship.

This entirely dismisses the point of true love. Whatever happened to introduce your partner to your closest friends and loved members like your family? Whatever happened to being happy with them, and being appreciative of your partner? Whatever happened to demonstrating your love without caring what others say?

These are terms that every gen-z kid is familiar with, and more terms keep being invented by the day. These questions are ones that gen-z kids should ask themselves. Social media doesn’t give anything to your romance/relationship, it instead takes the magic that you both had and makes it disappear….romance isn’t a magic trick. They aren’t helpful for any relationship, because all it does is compare your relationship with the one that is being presented to you on your screen.

Although the days of handwritten letters are not over, they sure seem close to the brink of extinction. We have settled for the bare minimum: tagged posts, shared posts, special/meaningful words written via text messages, streaks on Snapchat, left on delivered, left on read, left on seen or just chasing a trend. These settlements won’t bring sparks, they will instead burn those sparks and turn them into ashes. These ashes represent values of love we think we deserve, and it’s up to us to build ourselves again with what we once had. 

Therefore, as Valentine’s Day comes and goes, forget about what social media dictates we should do with our lover and instead let’s embrace the classic traditions of love: handwritten letters/cards, chocolates, dinner for two, flowers, but most importantly let’s remember the best gift of all is spending quality time with your partner.