This is my seventh or eighth year in college, and I have a 2.003 overall grade point average.

No joke.

Not long ago I was forced to declare a major, one of those that San Diego State allows undergraduates that have less-than-stellar GPAs to pick. I figured it was time to start doing some research.

Where to start? I had often thought about a career as a gynecologist, so when I came across gerontology I kept reading about it. Then I learned that gerontology is the study of the conditions of older adults.

Hm. Well, caretaking might be a good fit for me, because there aren’t many jobs that pay people to care. I have always been pretty good at taking care. Well, depending on what I’m taking care of … don’t ask about my goldfish, may they rest in peace. Caretakers usually work at retirement homes and are surrounded by retired people, so taking care is pretty much the same thing as being retired, right?

Still … gerontology is definitely not gynecology. Caretaking didn’t seem challenging enough for me, anyway.

So I flipped around the General Catalog a bit … geography, I could perhaps enjoy that. I use Google Earth all the time; I’m practically already a geography major.

Problems: Is there any place on earth that hasn’t already been mapped? Probably not. Strike one.

Could I see myself becoming a mapmaker? Absolutely not. Strike two.

Wait a minute … has my cumulative GPA ever been high enough for SDSU”s geography major? Nope. Strikeout.

Next, I googled “hospitality and tourism management;” it seemed pretty interesting. On the SDSU College of Professional Studies and Fine Arts’ Web site, I found some words gathered together in this confusing sentence: “People go into tourism management with hopes of “going places’ and SDSU is here to ensure that happens.”

Now, I’m not the best when it comes to reading and writing, but this could have been worded differently. Because it basically says … nothing.

Especially because I didn’t actually need to be “going places” 8212; I needed to stay here at SDSU and go into tourism management. But I wanted to go places other than somewhere on campus … that’s probably why I spend so much time on Google Earth. Majoring in hospitality and tourism management would have prevented me from going anywhere.

Besides, tour guides usually have to address groups of people. And speaking to an audience 8212; or any number of females 8212; has always been nerve-racking for me.
So tour-guiding and staying on campus in order to “go places” weren’t for me. I doubt my cumulative GPA was high enough, anyway.

The dance major was next, and I found some information about it at the same Web site: “The art, the training and the degree 8212; they come together in SDSU’s dance program in the School of Music and Dance.”

The beauty, the fame and the glory 8212; I could be a dancer!

Chicks dig dudes who dance well. And having sweet dance moves has always been just as important for me as having a college degree.

So dance! Dance! Dance!

Wait … an audition is required. Hm. So I have to prove I can dance before actually learning how to dance.

I tried it, I really did. I practiced in front of a mirror. It didn’t take long for me to fall, bruise and realize that dancing wasn’t my forte.

I kept looking. Then, lo and behold, the philosophy major caught my eye.

Being a philosopher is easy. One must love wisdom and forget about earning a six-figure salary. Also, if one wishes to enroll in philosopher training, then one must have a GPA of 2.0 or higher in all pre-philosophy major coursework.

Bingo.

–Jason Henry McCormick is a philosophy senior.

–This column does not necessarily reflect the views of The Daily Aztec.