It has finally come. The one time in the year when anarchy is king. When people flock north, south and east to find find booze, drugs and music. For many, Spring Break is a week they will probably never remember anyway. But for those who will be conscious, here are some tips to capture the perfect Kodak moment on Spring Break:

Tip #1: If you are going away for a week, don’t bring more than 50 bucks. Mooch off people. Everyone will be so wasted you can almost take the money out of their hands. Just stand there and get drinks all night. Say you lost your wallet and people will be throwing cocktails in your face left and right. You are not going to remember much of the trip anyway, so why be miserable when you come home and you have no money left for the rest of the semester?

Tip #2: Don’t bring any condoms. You will jinx yourself. If you are afraid of catching a venereal disease, you won’t even get the chance to get one if you bring condoms. Condoms are a curse. If you bring them, you won’t have sex. The Spring Break gods know this. They weed out the guys who load up the backs of their cars with a one-month supply of Trojans.

If you are getting together with someone and sex is imminent, just run out of the room and knock on someone’s door. I’m sure that wherever you are staying, other guys will have already jinxed themselves. After a night of rejections, these guys will be in their rooms masturbating. So just ask them for one of their 400 condoms they brought on the trip. This way you have sex, you’re not jinxed and you’re protected. What could be better?

Tip #3: If you get arrested for public intoxication, don’t panic be happy. Look at it as a free-night stay. Plus, this way, you get your own bed. No more restless nights on the floor with 15 other drunks. You’ve got your own private suite now. The best part of a night in jail is that in the morning you will have your own toilet. Nobody to bang on the door and bother you as you try to read the morning paper. Nothing is better than fresh cell-block porcelain. It’s only three feet from your bed. Plenty of toilet paper. A clean seat. And no aggravating bathroom door to open or close. You just jump out of bed and jump on the john. Happy wiping.

Tip #4: Eat late and you might find a mate. Lots of lonely girls who didn’t get picked up at the cheesy dance club will be looking to drown their sorrows in a burrito. So take advantage of them. When they have sour cream and guacamole dripping off their chins at 2 a.m., they are easy prey. Pick them up. Be as aggressive as possible. Hey, if you get slapped, don’t worry. Brush yourself off. Then throw yourself at someone else.

Of course, if you follow any of these tips, you’re a buffoon. But go for it anyway. Watching people make idiots of themselves is what Spring Break is all about.

Good luck! And may the force be with you.

Sean Colclough is a journalism junior and assistant sports editor at The Daily Aztec.