Looking for parking at San Diego State is as maddening as if “Star Wars” was made into an animated TV series based solely on the character of Jar Jar Binks. After almost an hour of demolition-derby-driving and no parking spot in sight, I transform from a preacher of peace and love to a promoter of Social Darwinism. In response to more than three years of wasting precious Wii playing-time circling around parking lots, I’ve devised a plan.
While driving, I’ve begun to take notice of the various signs and bumper stickers parents place on their vehicles. Instead of the typical “My Child Is An Honor Student” bumper sticker, I wish parents would show support to all levels of achievement with phrases such as “My Child Has Been Held Back Twice, But Third Time’s A Charm.”
As I was stopped behind a van with enough stick-figured family members on the window to need a sign saying, “My husband is best friends with a fertility god,” I spotted the solution to my parking problem.
On Monday morning, I entered SDSU Parking Structure 4 with a sense of hope and two “Baby on Board” signs on the rear window of my car. I figured with the exception of a childbirth class parking lot, most people would allow pregnant women to cut them in line and maybe the same goes for a car carrying not one, but two adorable bundles of joy.
After 20 minutes of people tailing me from behind without any care of harming my invisible baby, I realized I would have had better luck with a “Beer on Board” sign. Apparently, people are as fond of babies as an emo kid is of Bobby McFerrin’s song “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Instead of sulking about my failure, I decided to test my plan out on the streets.
I made sure to drive smoothly on the freeway because Conan and Conana were asleep. Yes, I named my make-believe babies Conan and Conana after my Irish idol Conan O’Brien. Besides not wanting to risk awakening the delightful duo, driving irresponsibly would hinder me from qualifying for the 2009 Mother of the Year Award.
The streets ended up being the same as always and I felt as disappointed as if I had just found out Al Gore doesn’t recycle. The biggest let down was that my family and friends didn’t even have the common decency to throw me a baby shower.
After a few days, I decided to take the signs off of my car, but it was difficult for me to let go of Conan and Conana. I guess I’ll get a fish instead.

8212;Sarah Atallah is an English senior.

8212;This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.