In my mind, there is a scared child. A child afraid for his future, of being left alone, of the mystery that is life, the universe, everything unexplainable and not black and white, afraid of not seeing the next day and breathing the next breath. I first met him when I was in the third grade. I worried my parents would die in a car accident and not be able to pick me up from school. He has been there ever since, ever so subtly present in my every move and decision. If I do this, what are the consequences? That is his daily interruption.

I began noticing him last summer. It’s funny how this constant dialogue could go unnoticed for so long. But unlike before, he was now crying out louder than ever. I wasn’t able to ignore him and push him away. This time, the crying was so strong that he was presenting himself to the outside world. Random panic attacks would consume me. I would have dreams I couldn’t understand, and this strong, underlying fear of everything.

I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me. I felt insane.

Slowly but surely, I started learning I wasn’t the only one. A lot of people in the world are experiencing the same thing. Mine was just a little more intense.

You see, fear is within everyone and it can be a good thing. It motivates people to move, it causes great change. But when fear overwhelms, it turns to panic, and panic never does any good. We’re taught this from a young age. They teach us to duck and cover, close the blinds and walk single file calmly outside of the classroom. Although it always feels like the most necessary and natural reaction, panic rarely leads to any right decisions.

Panic is when fear becomes so present, it inhibits rather than motivates your movements. When the inner child speaks out and you feel butterflies in your belly, you’re feeling panic. The problem is most of us try to push that child away. We try to tell him he’s being stupid or irrational, but by pushing him away, we’re only angering him more. In fact, he’ll come back stronger. Maybe some of you have been pushing your child away for so long you’ve become experts like I was. We all have different ways of pushing him away. Maybe you’re drowning his cry in alcohol, masking it by promiscuous activities or indulging in food. But the more you push him away, the more he’ll come back crying for attention.

Luckily, my inner child couldn’t take any more. When he had enough, he came crying out in such anger I couldn’t push him away any longer. I had to find another way.

I’ve become better at communicating with him. And I found that is the best way to become friends. I don’t push him away anymore. Rather, I’ve learned to step down, get on his level and tell fear everything is going to be OK. Now, I embrace fear and I hold it close. When a fearful thought comes into my head, rather than try to fight it away and distract myself, I take the thought and say, “Sure, you have a good point, but I’m not going to worry about you.” I let the thought flow from having my attention to no longer existing.

Try it. Next time a fearful thought comes to mind, get down on your wounded child’s level. Be uninterested in what fear has to say, take a deep breath and tell the child it’s going to be OK and there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. It sounds naive at first, but most of the time we have no control of the things we worry about. Learning to accept that is a huge step in the right direction.

What are you afraid of?

Is it a new path you’ve embarked on?

Is there a friend or family member you need to confront?

Is it following your calling?

Or accepting who you really are inside?

Stop shoving your fear away like clothes in an unorganized dresser. It is so much nicer to finally deal with fear face to face, to organize that dresser and realize it wasn’t so bad of a task after all. I’m not going to say fear is bad for you. Without it, we’d all be dead. I would have lost it all the first time I jumped on a Razor scooter. It makes us cautious. It allows us to think more rationally. But it really likes to take advantage of us and take all that it can.

You don’t have to become the next Felix Baumgartner. But you should reclaim some of the space fear now occupies. Life becomes easier when you’re not worrying about every single step.