You know, even though I have some gripes about America, I still enjoy living here.

There’s good beer, beautiful women and random-ass holidays such as Groundhog Day when we celebrate … well I’m not sure what we celebrate, but I enjoy the excuse to drink nonetheless.

Still, you’d think for such a great country, something such as jury duty would be fun and exciting. I don’t think I’m asking for much 8212; maybe something mildly entertaining, such as trying to watch a Dane Cook special with an audience armed with a wide variety of fresh produce.

But Jesus, government. I call shenanigans on this supposedly great, American responsibility. Coming from someone who frequently slept through social studies classes, I’d like to think I have a damn good idea of how important this thing is.

Sitting in this jury lounge full of your biggest fans and citizens, I can’t help but feel a little betrayed.

It’s no secret jury duty has a bad rep. You know this, I know this and this whole country of bald eagle-loving, American flag-toting, “Jersey Shore”-watching citizens know this. But for a country that loves justice, jury duty doesn’t need to be as boring as it is.

I know you’ve got a lot on your plate, Obama. The Gulf of Mexico is leaking chocolate syrup like it’s the goddamn Hershey’s Chocolate factory, we’re stuck in two wars without any sort of end in sight and Twilight’s STILL popping out more movies. (I guess that last one doesn’t really compare to the others, but I still think that it’s to American cinema what icebergs did for giant, Leonardo DiCaprio-carrying ships. Just saying.)

So I’m taking this one for the team, Obamarama. The fact is, I’ll probably be sitting through another seven hours of “Deal or No Deal” reruns anyway. So here you go, America. My contribution to Grade-A American justice is as follows: Three ways to make going to jury duty suck less hard.

Make it 3-D
As much as I hate to admit it, “Avatar” would have been one, fat Pocahontas / Smurf-tastic feel-good fest without those oversized, yellow plastic glasses that made you feel like you were king of the nerds.

Hell, who am I kidding? Even WITH 3-D it felt like that.

But I digress. My point is that 3-D effects can make even the dullest of activities far more interesting. Tape the hearings, hire Peter Jackson and give the man a hearty budget and BAM. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s how AMERICA does justice.

Toss in some eye-candy
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a running theme when it comes to television shows and movies: Although we may love our fast food and Frappuccinos, we also love staring at something incredibly good-looking.

Although it pains me to say it 8212; seriously, I want to stab out my eyes for even suggesting this 8212; this means adding vampires to the courtroom for the ladies. There’s a reason why “True Blood,” “The Vampire Diaries” and “Twilight” have so many viewers.

While I personally have absolutely no idea why this is the case, it has the girls going regardless.

R.I.P. future “Blade” sequels. I miss you already, Wesley Snipes.

Guys are far easier, I think 8212; switch out those old, “traditional” robes for a bikini and throw in a supermodel as the judge and we’re good to go. Justice, served.

Complimentary bacon
Honestly, I don’t know any American who doesn’t like bacon. But mostly, at the end of the day, I’d like to be able to flick my stunner shades off in a badass manner as I leave the courtroom and say that I like my justice served cold … with a side of bacon.

&-Chris Pocock is a journalism junior and bacon enthusiast.

&-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.