Zura is haunted. I know this because the ghost of Zura visited mein my dorm room late one night. I was just studying my Hebrew whenall of a sudden, I heard a knocking noise.
(knock!! knock!! knock!!)
Elliot Holt: Who’s there?!
“It is I, Halifax, the almighty ghost of ZURA!!”
EH: Really, the ghost of Zura, in my dorm room.
Halifax: Yes, I have come to tell you about everything that sucksabout San Diego State University dorm life.
EH: Oh, OK. What sucks about dorm life here, then?
Halifax: The Living Learning Center sucks. It has the mostbitch-ass name for a dorm that I have ever heard. They might as wellrename it to “My curfew in high school was 7 o’clock, so my mom stuckme in this crappy dorm.”
EH: Yeah, it’s pretty broke, and they have to overlook the reallynice dorms at Cuicicalli.
Halifax: Cuic is just a wanna-be apartment building.
EH: Why is that?
Halifax: They have a kitchen, a living room and their own personalbathroom, but they still have R.A.s. So it’s basically just awanna-be apartment building.
EH: Well at least they have their own bathrooms. In Zura, like 15guys have to share one bathroom.
Halifax: Did you hear that next year they are reopening Chappy?
EH: Yeah, it’s going to be like 11 stories high. It is going tosuck for the people on the 11th floor whenever they get a fire alarm.
Halifax: There is nothing like being drunk and having to walk upand down the stairs at 3 in the morning.
EH: Zura has a cool fire alarm sound. If you took out those reallyloud beeping noises we could throw a rave in the parking lot whilethe cops sort everything out.
Halifax: No man, that techno Nintendo music crap has got to stop;this is SDSU, where you ain’t cool unless you listen to Sublime.
EH: Which dorm would you live in if you went to SDSU, Halifax?
Halifax: I would live in University Towers because everyone tellsme that that’s where all the cool people live.
EH: Yeah, I wanted to live in University Towers but I didn’t scorehigh enough on this coolness test they give out to everyone.
Halifax: What question did you miss on the test?
EH: True or false, is Smirnoff Ice a girl’s drink?
Halifax: What did you say?
EH: Hell no! I gotta keep it real for the Smirnoff Ice.
Halifax: But definitely the worst part about living in the dormsis the fact that you have to pay all this money to D.A.s and R.A.sjust to tell you not to throw a party.
EH: I know what you’re talking about.
Halifax: I would rather pay someone money to kick me in the assthan to tell me not to throw a party.
Halifax: But do you know what really sucks about SDSU?
EH: What?
Halifax: You can’t skateboard anywhere on this campus!
EH: I’ve heard.
Halifax: You can be a drunk ass, walking around half-naked with a5-foot bong and “It’s all good,” but the second you carry askateboard, you are in trouble.
EH: Wow, that’s rough.
Halifax: And all those people who don’t know how to park have gotto go, too.
EH: Yeah, nobody in So. Cal. knows how to drive.
Halifax: How hard is it to park a car between two white lines? Ifsomeone is smart enough to get a driver’s license in this state, thanhe should at least be smart enough to know how to park his damn car.
EH: So what do you think about the whole party scene here at SDSU,being a ghost and all?
Halifax: It’s tight, and if you’re a ghost you get lots of BOO-tywhen you go to State parties.
EH: You’re not very funny, Halifax.
Halifax: Yeah, well neither is this article, but you don’t see mecomplaining.
EH: You’re forgetting that SDSU students are gonna be readingthis; they’ll laugh at anything, man.
–Elliot Holt is an undeclared freshman.
–This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of TheDaily Aztec. Send e-mail to letters@thedailyaztec.com.Anonymous letters will not be printed — include your full name,major and year in school.
