RonThomas is a journalism juniorSend comments to: daletter@mail.sdsu.com
The National Football League recently sent advisory letters to allof its teams informing them the “throat slash” (the players’ mostrecent way of taunting their opponent) is being outlawed.
This is ridiculous.
I could understand this if it was O.J. Simpson on the field doingit, but this act is being done by highly competitive men who aresimply having fun playing the sport they love. Don’t give me thathorse manure about the NFL trying to portray a good image of theleague and its players to young people. Young people have witnessedworse actions in cartoons and movies.
Besides, if the league really wanted to portray a good image theywould not have let Lawrence Phillips and Leon Lett back into theleague.
Now here is a look at the “No Fun League” from top to bottom:
1. Indianapolis (9-2): Rookie running back Edgerrin James hassilenced the critics who thought the Colts were foolish to draft himover Ricky Williams. He is currently second in the NFL in rushingyards with 1,080 yards, but what’s the deal with the gold teeth? Iguess he’s trying to keep it real … real ghetto!
2. Jacksonville (10-1): The good news is that the Jaguars are ahealthy Fred Taylor away from their first trip to the Super Bowl. Thebad news is that the Jaguars are a healthy Fred Taylor away fromtheir first trip to the Super Bowl. Taylor has been hampered withinjuries the entire season and he doesn’t look to be getting anyhealthier.
3. St.Louis (9-2): I hate to take anything away from theremarkable season the Rams are having, but don’t they remind you ofthose overachieving dirty birds of last season. St. Louis isbenefiting from a weak schedule and an even weaker division. Untilthe competition in the NFC West stiffens, it will be hard for a teamfrom this division to win a Super Bowl.
4. Tennessee (9-2): Running back Eddie George hits harder than theLAPD.
5. Minnesota (7-4): The Vikings’ offense of last season has beenresurrected. Unfortunately the defense of last season still rests inpeace. Minnesota has given up 400 yards passing to Jim Miller andthen this week to Jim Harbaugh. Ouch!
6. Miami (8-3): On offense this team reminds me of my feet after along, hot day – they stink. The defense can’t carry the loadfor much longer. If Marino doesn’t get his act together, the Dolphinswill be at home watching the playoffs.
7. Buffalo (8-4): A healthy Eric Moulds and a bowl of FlutieFlakes makes Doug a very good quarterback.
8. Seattle (8-3): The Seahawks suffer from an identity crisis. Insome games Ricky Watters plays like Marshall Faulk, and in othergames he plays like Kevin Faulk. Sometimes quarterback Jon Kitnaplays like Steve Young, and in other games he plays like SteveStenstrom.
9. Washington (7-4): The Redskins are one defensive coordinatoraway from being a Super Bowl-caliber team.
10. Tampa Bay (7-4): Trent Dilfer went down Sunday with what isnow being called a season-ending injury. Things are looking up forthe Bucs.
11. Detroit (7-4): The Lions are winning without Barry Sanders andHerman Moore. Bobby Ross deserves to be named Coach of the Year.
12. Dallas (6-5): Remember when Rocket Ismail sucked? I’m sureRaiders fans do.
13. Kansas City (6-5): Elvis is alive and playing quarterback forthe Chiefs. Unfortunately for Kansas City he’s not very good. Sure,he looked good in a 49ers uniform, but so did Ty Detmer. If I werehead coach Gunther Cunningham I would shake, rattle and roll his assto the bench. Let Warren Moon start. Now he’s a real quarterback!
14. New England (6-5): Without a legitimate running game, thePatriots will continue to lose. Kevin Faulk is more of a third-downback, and Terry Allen is like Atari – he has no more game.
15. Green Bay (5-5): A healthy Brett Favre makes all thedifference in the world.
16. Oakland (5-6): The Raiders have mastered the art of thefourth-quarter collapse. Looks like another 8-8 finish.
17. Chicago (5-7): The Bears won’t be doing the Super Bowl shuffleanytime soon, but they are not the doormats they used to be.
18. Denver (4-7): The game ain’t over until Broncos fans begin tothrow snowballs at the opposing team.
19. N.Y. Giants (5-6): After accusing the offense of beingnon-supportive, the Giants defense gave up 34 points to Arizona in aneffort to show team unity.
20. Arizona (5-6): Jake Plummer is back just in time to lead theCardinals to a quality pick in next year’s NFL draft.
21. Carolina (5-6): This team still has a chance to make it to theplayoffs … but they won’t.
22. N.Y. Jets (4-7): Don’t cry, Keyshawn, at least you’re gettingthe damn ball. Just remember to catch it!
23. Pittsburgh (5-6): I can’t believe this team has been defeatedat home by the Bengals and the Browns.
24. Baltimore (4-7): This is a team with Tony Banks and ScottMitchell at quarterback. Need I say more?
25. San Diego (4-7): Who cares that Jim Harbaugh actuallyresembled an NFL quarterback the past few weeks? It’s time to look tothe future – Mike Riley should start Ryan Leaf this Sundayagainst Cleveland.
26. Philadelphia (3-9): The Eagles are a very young team with twofuture superstars in Duce Staley and Donovan Macnabb. In a couple ofyears the Philadelphia fans will be able to remove those brown bagsfrom their heads.
27. New Orleans (2-9): Mike Ditka will resign as coach of theSaints at the end of this season. The word on the street is that hesuffers from chronic jock itch.
28. San Francisco (3-7): Jerry Rice meet retirement; retirementmeet Jerry.
29. Atlanta (2-9): Without Jamal Anderson, Chris Chandler is nowplaying like the quarterback he truly is.
30. Cincinnati (2-10): I still can’t believe that the Bengals havewon two games -they’re overachieving.
31. Cleveland (2-10): And with the first pick in the 2000 NFLdraft the Cleveland Browns select …
