When I saw the parking lot of Dave and Buster’s, I gasped andcried, “lawdhavemercy.”

It was huge and already packed with cars at 8 p.m. on Saturdaywhen Sunny and I pulled in. It was a completeand total mess. The valet line was way too long and a bunch of carsmilled around looking for spaces. Lose 10 points for the parkingfiasco.

As we walked toward the spot, I marveled at the number of peopletrying to hit this place up. I imagined if the parking lot was thisfull, the inside must be off the hook. People were driving up insouped-up SUVs and raggedy hoopties, promising a nice mix of people.

A guy stuck his head out of his car window. “Hey you, with theblack boots on!” he said with a European accent. That was a promisethat there would also be men in the joint who didn’t have anymanners. Lose 10 points for boorish guys.

The entrance looked like the lobby of a Vegas hotel, and inside itwas pandemonium. Children were running around bumping into legs whileparents hurried to get their kids the heck out of there.

We needed food so we headed to the dining area, where we were toldthat a table for five would have a four-hour wait attached to it.Four hours? Why didn’t the chick just say, “Sorry, we won’t be ableto get you in tonight.” A place that will give you a four-hour waitshould also give you the option of making a reservation. They don’t.(We tried.) Lose 20 points for nonexistent seating.

We hung out in front of the entrance for a while and waited forour girl. If I wasn’t going to be eating then a drink was in order.We slid over to the bar and Sunny ordered my favorites, a Mai Tai anda buttery nipple. “Happy Birthday,” she said, then we downed ourshots.

We saw a couple grubbing on some brownie/ice cream contraption. Ihad to have one. I asked the bartender to bring me some as well assome pot stickers. The food was official — good and reasonablypriced. That’s hard to beat and makes up for a lot. Gain 25 pointsfor great grub.

Our girl showed up and we figured it was high time we hit thegames. This place was video game paradise for adults. The first gamewe played was a snowmobile racing game (which I kicked ass at). Thenwe hit up the Jurassic Park game, which I didn’t like too muchbecause of the nightmarish raptors jumping out at me and because itdoesn’t allow you to shoot the other people in the game. They didhave Cruisin’ Exotic, one of my favorite games, so I played threetimes in a row and got a new high score. Why? ‘Cuz I’m the bomb racecar driver. Gain 30 points.

Afterwards our boy Reggie showed up. At this point, I started tostruggle with the jacket I was wearing. I wanted to take it offbecause it was hotter than hell in this place, but I had also beeneyeing the hoods hanging around and knew what effect my losing myjacket could have on them.

I didn’t want to start any drama because my pants were kind oftight. Finally, I decided to lose the jacket. Before long, asemi-circle of thugs began to approach from behind. I quickly put myjacket back on and stepped closer to Reggie, which switched the focusto him. Now they were giving him dirty looks for being a white manwith a black woman. Reggie’s married and only a friend, but theydidn’t know that, so I couldn’t get comfortable. Lose 20 points forhorny thugs.

I ordered a Jack-and-Coke by flipping a switch on top of the videogame. What came was a watered-down drink that somewhat resembled aCoke. After downing the weak drink, I decided to just go withsomething guaranteed to get me lifted — a Long Island. After acouple of sips I thought it was kind of weak too, but as I hit thebottom of the glass it hit me. And it was all good.

It was close to 11 p.m. when we went outside for our cigarette. Wewere already worn out and decided that we should probably go. Thisplace will tire you out. It’s like Chuck E. Cheese’s for adults.

Next time I go, I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt. I’m not going topick or be picked up. I’m going for the games.