BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – Last week’s holiday marks the beginning of our yearly custom of gorging ourselves at family Thanksgiving feasts, office holiday parties and New Year’s Eve lush-fests that give the most health-conscious among us an excuse to splurge.

But this column isn’t about gluttony. This column could save your life.

I write to you to propose an entirely new counterterrorism system. This system will undoubtedly become a model for all nations to implement, as the United States continues to be the world leader in defeating the “axis of evildoers” – insert President Bush speech mannerism here.

As you know, the Department of Homeland Security uses a color-coded system to warn us that we could die at any moment. In fact, Fox News has been thoughtful enough to run the current “terror alert level” at the bottom of its news ticker for the past several years, reminding all Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., voters that, had their candidate been successful in 2004, such silly colors wouldn’t be necessary because we’d all be dead. The system I propose would be simple to implement and would involve citizens in the important process of identifying terrorists here at home.

During the holiday season, we will eat thousands of tons of turkey, game hen or bird-shaped tofu concoctions. Along with this entr