Halloween is just around the corner. Soon, fraternity houses will unveil orange runways for a display of the best costumes on campus.

But here at The Daily Aztec, we’re jumping at the bones and dying to treat you to a best and worst Halloween Costume Awards list.

We hired the top Halloween expert in the world to cover this year’s awards. So always remember, if you disagree with anything he says, you’re dead wrong.

Still, we hope you enjoy your Halloween. We also hope these awards help you remember your freaky night, in case the jungle juice makes you somehow forget.

We want to note many costumes are exceptional for their presentation and portrayal of common Halloween outfits such as whorish witches, pimped-out princesses and slut pirates, and we applaud the best versions of these classics.

However, because we can’t judge the quality of these types of costumes, which are usually determined by how sexy the costume wearer looks, our expert investigator whittled down the costume competition on the basis of creativity and originality.

Without further ado, we present the awards:

Best Use of Breakfast Food Packaging with Plastic Utensils: The Cereal Killer.

With plastic knives protruding from miniature boxes of cereal like Frosted Flakes and Fruit Loops, this inexpensive costume wowed us with its originality and good taste.

Best Use of Candy in a Wiseass Expression: “Smartie” Pants.

This costume was simple and easy, and really explained itself. The winner wore brightly colored pants with Smarties candy boxes attached all over his body. Sweet. No, sour.

Most Shameless Use of Wrapping Paper and Religion: A Gift from God.

This frat tool covered himself in Christmas wrapping paper and even put a little bow on his head. On his chest, he pasted a giant label that read: “To women, from God.” Women everywhere were disappointed when the man was not Brad Pitt.

Strangest Use of Cotton Balls and a Squirt Gun, or Possibly the Best Costume Ever: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Rain.

With jumbo-sized cotton balls dispersed over his head and body, this costume wearer needed help for his costume to take effect. Wondering why he had cotton balls randomly all over him, you’d ask, “So, what are you supposed to be?” He’d answer,

“Partly cloudy…” Then he’d pull out a water gun and squirt you in the face, “With a good chance of rain.”

Yeah, thanks. Real good chance, weatherman.

Best Use of Bling in a Partner Costume: Gang Green.

In light green Adidas jumpsuits, this pair looked sick. They wore fake gold chains with diamond ring bands that were rotting away. One had a chain pendant with initials: D.K.

Best Simultaneous Word Play on a Vegetable and Pop Rap Group: The Black Eyed Pea.

This costume was simple and easy to make. The wearer pinned a giant “P” to his chest and painted his eye black. Then he acted drunk all night and went around screaming, “Let’s get retarded in here.” We only hope that was part of the costume.

Most Useful Costume for the University Experience: The Lame Excuse.

This guy needed a lot of Post-it Notes to pull this one off. He stuck the Post-it Notes all over himself, and walked around with a cane and a limp. It wasn’t that visually appealing, but it’s really something you could lean on in a time-crippling situation.

Best Costume Ever: The Chick Magnet.

This super intelligent guy took a black shirt and glued yellow Peeps on the front and back of the shirt. If you were wondering, yes, it was me.

Happy Halloween!

—Ty Thompson is an MFA grad student in fiction. Send your best Halloween costume picture to cosythews@yahoo.com.