So, after a week-long period of suspense and drama that would rival any mediocre early afternoon soap opera, it’s finally over.
Brady Hoke has officially dumped San Diego State for the University of Michigan.
But were you surprised at the season finale of this soap opera? You shouldn’t have been. Because it was evident from the start that this wasn’t a match made in heaven.
The SDSU-Brady Hoke marriage fell victim to the pitfall that all failed relationships have in common – one party loved the other more than the other loved it.
From the get go, Hoke let it be known that Michigan was his ultimate career goal, the Holy Grail he was in search of, his dream girl.
When Hoke first met SDSU, the football program was like the cute girl with the glasses who sat in front of you in class, dressed in sweats and not wearing any makeup. She wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous, but you could tell that there was definitely potential. Hoke got her a makeover, ordered her contacts to replace her coke bottle lenses, bought her a new wardrobe overflowing with “barely there” clothes and took her to the Poinsettia Bowl, where SDSU showed on national TV that it was legit.
But Michigan is like that gorgeous Alpha Phi you were hooking up with for a while freshman year (Hoke was the defensive line coach there from 1995-2002). The two of you may have broken up, but you were always still in love with her. She has everything: The status, the killer rack, the good looks, the rich boosters and the winningest program in college football history.
Can you blame Brady for going back?
Ladies, let me teach you a lesson. Ten times out of ten, a million times out of a million, when faced with the choice, we’re going to go for the looks and the status. There’s no Taylor Swift fairytale garbage. That’s a fact of life, and there’s nothing you can do about it – except maybe get a boob job, work out, develop a cooler-than-you attitude and play hard to get (à laMichigan’s flirtations with Stanford’s Jim Harbaugh and LSU’s Les Miles). Even Swift, up in the bleachers, gets left for the cheer captain (ironically, Swift gets around more than most girls I know, but I digress).
But fear not, SDSU fans, because you will love again. In fact, you may have found somebody better right here under your own nose: Rocky Long.
Long took New Mexico to five bowl games in the last seven years that he was head coach there, so that proves the man can flat out coach. He’ll also be able to retain most of the recruits that Hoke and Co. had in place before throwing up the deuces and walking out the door.
Not only that, but SDSU’s not going to suck again now that Hoke has left. The Aztecs aren’t going to be Ball State. Sure, Hoke instilled a tough, winning mindset into the program and led the Aztecs to their first bowl victory in more than 40 years. But that mindset and expectation to win every week won’t leave for Ann Arbor like offensive coordinator Al Borges and half of the staff will. Long should maintain the status quo and keep the team on the right track for the years to come, and he’s proved that he’s a committed man and won’t just toot it and boot it (he spent 11 total seasons coaching at New Mexico).
It may have been love at first sight with Hoke, but now SDSU is left alone, thinking about what could have been, what should have been. There really isn’t much left to say, except…
Bye bye, Brady.
