ThinkstockI am going to say this one more time: No, I do not want to be your friend. No, I don’t want to RSVP to your Wacky Gal’s Night Out. No, I don’t want to join your group boycotting FOX for cancelling “Arrested Development.” No to your wall posts, no to your zombie applications, no to your Scrabulous substitute and no to you, Facebook.
I’m a modern girl. I get it. I understand in this day and age, everyone and their mom has a Facebook or a Twitter account. My grandmother is on Facebook, for crying out loud. Some people still cling to their MySpace pages, the newly ostracized ugly stepbrother of Facebook.
I recognize my lack of a Facebook has indubitably stunted my social growth. Friends from class will coyly bring up that they “tried to find me on Facebook but must have misspelled my last name.” Let me settle this once and for all: You spelled it right. I wasn’t there.
Now I could rattle off a barrage of reasons as to why I don’t have one: It’s not exclusive anymore; I don’t want people to electronically stalk me; I got sick of constant requests. All of these are genuinely true, but they’re not the primary reason I severed my ties with the social network.
I used to have a Facebook back in the day when it was private and available only to college students. I got one, like most of us, straight out of senior year. Also, like most of us, I immediately friended everyone I was acquainted with in my high school.
I joined the groups declaring the superiority of my high school class. (Miramonte “06 forever!) I joined the “You Know You’re a “90s Kid When …” group because I, like you, am an emotional sucker for nostalgic Nickelodeon references.
I was a recreational user for a while and then something happened. Suddenly, I lost control. Most anyone who has ever had a Facebook knows what I’m talking about. I’d sit down to write a paper or find a study guide and then a thought would strike me: I wonder what’s up with Stoner Joe from Latin 2? I bet he’s totally flunking out of college. Did he even go to college? I should probably check just to make sure.
Three hours and two bags of microwave popcorn later I’m thoroughly immersed in judging the skanky girls from Comm. 103 for going to Sig Ep’s Luau Party wearing nothing but coconuts and leis. Where was my high resolve?
To be completely honest, I didn’t erase my Facebook because I think it’s evil or because the people who use it are socially inept. That’s not true at all; in fact, Facebook is a fantastic networking tool. Companies use it, bands use it and most importantly for many college students, employers use it.
I erased it because it’s like crack. Given a computer and a password, I am without defense against Facebook. I have no restraint. Thinking I can use Facebook casually is like Amy Winehouse thinking she can just shoot heroin socially. It’s just not going to happen.
It’s been more than a year since I sat down and deleted my page forever, erasing my messages, my tagged pictures and my ties with most everyone whose number was not in my phone book. And guess what: I’m still here.
I’ll be straight up 8212; the first month going cold turkey was hard. I would sit down to write a paper and stare at the screen. No amount of surfing www.collegehumor.com or www.funnyordie.com can substitute for creeping people on Facebook.
The good news is that I still have friends. (Gasp!) I call people on that old-time device known as an iPhone when I want to talk to them. (Shock!) I even support causes, attend events and keep current with some pals from high school. (Awe!)
I also tend to go outside more, which is nice. If something important happens via Facebook, I find out about it through my ever-increasing pool of Facebook-using friends. I learn about people from asking them what movies they like and what music they listen to, not by reading the list of cult classics and hipster bands they catalog on their profile 8212; I’ll believe you like Belle & Sebastian when I see the play count on your iTunes.
And you know what? I’ve never been happier.
-Maggie is a communications senior.
-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
