David OlenderOK, wow. Big whoop. San Diego State is so tough it can mercilessly beat an armless fat kid before squeezing him into a gutter outside Qualcomm Stadium.
And this is what we’ve learned about SDSU in its thrashing of Nicholls State: it doesn’t take crap from toddlers. Big deal, neither do I. Just this past week, I’ve had two diaper-wearing wastes of sperm gargle insults at yours truly. So, if you’re one of those toddlers and you’re reading this, that’s impressive, but the next time I hear one of you talking crap, I’m stretching that diaper over your ears (that’s called a wedgie).
Being a bully in real life can be fun, but is unfortunately frowned upon unless you’re a cop or wearing shoulder pads and a helmet.
The Aztecs had all summer to incubate in the frustration of losing their final four games last year. And against Nicholls State, that frustration hatched in the form of 47 points, while the Colonels hatched a goose egg. SDSU kept its foot on the back of Nicholls State for the entire game, never allowing the Colonels to do what five Football Championship Subdivision schools did to Football Bowl Subdivision teams last year, and what Jacksonville State did to Ole Miss this past weekend.
Ryan Lindley was spectacular, so was the pass protection and the running game. DeMarco Sampson’s hands were stickier than a situation involving Tiger Woods and a stripper, and linebacker Miles Burris spent more time in the Colonels’ backfield than the Olsen twins spend bent over a toilet after crackers, taking turns holding each other’s hair.
But what does this Aztec victory really mean? That they’re good? Nicholls State opened its season against a Mountain West foe last year, too. Air Force won that one 72-0.
So no, the win doesn’t mean they’re good. Other than registering a win, the game was like everything that comes out of Lee Corso’s mouth 8212; meaningless. And that’s a good thing. Because if SDSU couldn’t move the ball against the Colonels, or couldn’t stop them on defense, that would’ve meant a lot.
But at least I learned one thing this past weekend. Apparently, attempting to schlep stadium-bought booze into the press box at Qualcomm Stadium screams all sorts of injustices against journalistic integrity. The only problem is, I don’t know how else to watch a football game. And I would’ve really been out of luck had I not played a game of beer pong in the parking lot beforehand.
Next week, the Aztecs will be served a second helping of cupcakes when they saddle up and hit the trail for New Mexico State. And for SDSU’s sake, hopefully we won’t learn anything meaningful there either (kind of like in class).
8212;Matt McClanahan is a journalism senior.
8212;This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.
