When it comes to dating, honesty is the best policy


by Victoria Valenzuela

So I met a guy. Our first date went pretty well—flirtation, chemistry—it had it all. Then there was a second date, then quickly afterward, a third and a fourth. I quickly began to see something great developing with this person. So naturally, my fantasy was destroyed when I stopped hearing from him. The texts become fewer and fewer and the calls nonexistent. I would send a few messages out, then stare at my phone’s blank screen hoping for it to light up with a response back—to no avail. I’d get the occasional “Sorry, I’ve been busy” reply, but it wasn’t exactly backed up by a solid invitation to see me again. Suddenly I was questioning every move I made, replaying each date in my mind to figure out where the love connection was thrown off course. Then I realized that I was quickly becoming a horribly insecure version of myself. Needy. Desperate. I’m still convinced that I must have done something wrong to make the guy keep his distance. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. But that’s not the point.

There are many things wrong with this picture, but here’s the obvious answer: I deserve an answer from this guy. It could be that he doesn’t want to see me anymore. It’s possible that he’s lost interest in me. Which, if I’m being honest, would sting a bit, but at least then I’d be able to see the situation for what it is. My question of, “What happened?” has yet to be answered.

We women should expect more from the men in our lives. No matter the circumstances, in these situations, it’s up to the guy to man up and reach out to you—for three main reasons:

1. It’s disrespectful when a guy ignores you.

2. You deserve someone who is going to be honest with you.

3. No one is really that busy.

First of all, it’s common courtesy to get in touch with someone when they are expecting to hear from you. And okay, it might just be a text—which has got to be the worst form of communication in the dating world—but it’s also the simplest thing ever to send a quick text to someone. At the very least, a “Hey, I didn’t fall down a well or get abducted by aliensmessage does the trick. If I text a guy and he goes days or even a week without texting me back, I’m annoyed. I feel as if he doesn’t think I deserve a reply. I hate being ignored. It makes me feel insignificant and unimportant. Despite the reasoning behind his absence, I just want to know what’s going on either way. Which leads me to my second point.

The right thing to do, whether a guy is letting you down or not, is to tell you. It’s the decent thing to do—but do guys follow this upstanding moral code? Hardly ever. Say what you want about the good guys in the world—the ones I have yet to date—but men are cowardly creatures. They would rather stand a girl up and ignore her than show a little human decency and be uncomfortable for five seconds. It’s much easier to pretend like a problem doesn’t exist than actually deal with it, especially if they are planning on breaking a girl’s heart—i.e. mine. Leading someone on or leaving them to wonder what happened or what they did wrong when they may have done nothing at all is just cruel.

I loathe the “I’m busy” excuse. No man is so completely tied up that he can’t pick up the phone and send a quick text. In today’s technology-obsessed world, it seems like we all have our smart phones attached to us at all times to update our Facebook status or send obnoxious Snapchats. So send the message. It’s a little effortless movement of your thumbs. It’s not hard, especially if you’ve kept me waiting for a week. So don’t give me that line.

Here’s what I want—a man who has the guts to tell it like it is, whether or not my feelings get hurt. I’m a big girl. I can take it. Gentlemen, feel free to apply.