Ah, breakups. With the holiday season just months away, breakup season is unfortunately right around the corner as well. As a recent survivor of a messy split, I can say getting past a breakup is not only tough, but extremely painful. And painful is an understatement.
You know how it feels when you hit your funny bone? Or step on a Lego? Or crack your skull open? A broken heart feels much worse. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, surviving a breakup can be tremendously difficult.
This article is not for me to vent or get even or throw my ex under the bus. No, readers, this article is here for you—to give you lovely men and women tips on how to survive break-ups. Remember, if you’re wallowing in self-pity, misery and despair, you’re not alone. Everyone goes through it. This alone should put a smile on your face. So, without further ado, here is my guide on how to survive a breakup.
DO remember you’re not the first person to go through a breakup. There are hundreds of movies, tele- vision shows, songs, poems, books, magazines, journals, memoirs and “my personal diary” (whoops, how did that get there?) devoted to the subject of breaking up. Ever heard Alanis Morissette’s, “You Oughta Know,” watched “Sex and the City,” opened a magazine or talked to another human being? Everyone has gone through this.
Everyone has had their heart broken and everyone survived. Really, there’s nothing like metaphorically getting punched in the stomach by the one you love to put things into perspective. Next time you get the urge to throw yourself a pity party, remember: Nobody wants to hear it. We’ve all been there and don’t want to hear about your problems (just kidding). Which brings me to my next point…
DON’T vent to everyone you know. Yes, for a while you’re going to want to talk to everybody about your breakup. Your mom, your dad, your brother and sister (which is weird, because I don’t even have a brother, but I somehow vented to one) your friends, your friends’ friends and eventually the mailman will know every little detail about your breakup. Before too long, no one will want to hear it anymore.
Rough as it sounds, those are the cold, hard facts. If you can’t handle the truth, get out of the kitchen (I was never really good with colloquialisms). Turn to friends and family, but don’t talk their ears off. Your support system obviously supports you, but don’t let one broken relationship kill your healthy ones.
DO see a therapist. I may be a bit biased, but my favorite conversa- tion topic is myself. Being able to pay someone every week to ask me questions about my life is pretty awesome. Even if the therapist is pretending to be interested in my problems, (but, I’m pretty darn cool, so why wouldn’t they be?) it’s a great outlet to talk to a third party, vent and cry without being judged. Plus, what you say won’t get back to your ex. Side note: I now have become one of those people who references their therapist regularly. “My therapist said that’s unhealthy for me,” or “My therapist would not approve if I did that.” It’s refreshing to know I always have one person who I pay to care about me.
DON’T numb the pain with sub- stances. Just because you went through a breakup, doesn’t mean you have to suffer a breakdown. Be strong! Don’t drown your sorrows in booze. Don’t be that person at the bar who starts crying when someone plays “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” on the jukebox because it was “your song” and you’re drunk. Public intoxication plus a broken heart equals regret (which, ironically is the same feeling I have about my last relationship).
For me, my breakup was the best diet I’ve ever been on, but far too many times I’ve seen friends get lost in buckets of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey and Cherry Garcia. You have to look good and make your ex regret ever dumping that sweet, sweet body of yours. Which brings me to my last point…
DO take care of yourself. Go shopping. Get a pedicure. Buy a gym membership. A little retail therapy never hurt anyone. (Well, except for Mike Tyson). You know the saying, “you look good, you feel good?” It’s true.
But in all honesty, positive hor- mones in your body are triggered when you spend money on yourself. It has to do with serotonin or melato- nin or something. Search for it on the “Journal-of-Convenient-Theories-for-This-Article.com.” Look, I’m no scientist, but go out and buy that dress you’ve been eyeing or take up running at the gym. Do something to make yourself feel good, because the most important and longest relationships we have are with ourselves. If that’s not enough to send chills down your spine, I don’t know what is.
Just a few quick tips:
•DON’T hook up with your ex (for obvious reasons)
•DON’T break picture frames (glass is a pain to clean up)
•DON’T stalk your ex (through social media or in real life)
•DON’T sit in your room and think about your ex (you are too beautiful to waste another second thinking about you-know-who)
Nobody ever said breaking up was easy, but it’s a part of life. Just think of the pain as a down payment for happier times ahead. Deep, right? There has to be at least one person (well, two if you include me) reading this while going through a breakup. If any of these tips helped you, I have succeeded. Oh, and for all you sexy guys out there reading this, just another reminder. I’m single.
