Kristen Paruginog is a survivor, terrorized by an abusive boyfriend for three years before escaping.
“I’ve been through hell and back. I’ve been tied with my hands and legs behind my back while he suffocated me. He strangled me to the point where I literally thought I was going to die,” Paruginog said.
Most students cannot even imagine the horror she experienced. However, Paruginog not only survived, she created a movement in San Diego called “Breaking the Silence Against Domestic Violence” to empower victims and survivors and raise awareness for her cause.
The organization started after Paruginog began blogging about her experience as a survivor and received tremendous amounts of positive feedback. The young activist personally invested thousands of dollars to fund her campaign and formed a legitimate nonprofit organization.
“My entire heart and soul is in Break the Silence,” said Paruginog.
College students should educate themselves about domestic violence because women between 16 and 24 years old experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence. Awareness includes recognizing warning signs.
“I didn’t go into this knowing he was a crazy person,” Paruginog said. Most relationships are fun and exciting at first, but abusers often escalate gradually.
“He starts getting jealous of who you talk to and who you hang out with,” Paruginog said. “Then, he starts saying how you should dress, do your hair and what kind of makeup you should put on. Then, he starts getting more comfortable and that is when the verbal abuse starts.”
Verbal abuse can be just as detrimental as physical abuse. Paruginog said although her physical scars disappeared, the verbal and mental abuse she endured will “probably never, ever go away.” She heard hundreds of stories from men and women around the world recounting their own verbal and mental abuse. Abusers use words as a weapon to destroy the self-esteem of their victims and to manipulate them into believing they are worthless—or worse, that they deserve the abuse. Women, especially teenagers, mistake controlling behavior as a sign of affection, not abuse. Girls wrongly believe extreme jealously translates into romantic passion and verbal abuse is a normal part of dating.
The media’s depiction of violence furthers the myth that abuse is normal. Rihanna recently hinted at intentions to rekindle her relationship with Chris Brown.
“Rihanna initially claimed she would never get back with him because she was a role model; and for her to turn around and say that she is standing up for him is ridiculous,” Paruginog said, “You need to have confidence in yourself before you can love someone else.”
Celebrities like Rihanna are sending a dangerous message to society, especially younger fans.
“Breaking the Silence” is meant to empower the voiceless in a society where domestic violence victims are often overlooked. In fact, society even blames victims for being weak. Paruginog, a self-confident honors student and pageant winner, is the last person anyone would expect to be a victim. Still, many question her reasons for staying in an abusive relationship for so long. She said she lived in perpetual fear.
“I didn’t leave because my ex threatened to come after me, find me, kill me or even bury me where nobody would be able to find me,” Paruginog said. “He even threatened that he would kill the next guy I dated.”
Unfortunately,societysometimes fails to recognize that abusers threaten, manipulate and isolate their victims. This is another reason why “Breaking the Silence” seeks to educate the public about the hardships victims truly face and how difficult it can be to break free.
Reaching out for help can be the difference between life and death. Andrea O’Donnell was a women’s studies student and the director of the Women’s Resource Center at San Diego State before she was murdered by her ex- boyfriend in 1994. The Women’s Outreach Association is dedicated to celebrating her legacy by helping other SDSU students. In fact, Paruginog received the Andrea O’Donnell Memorial Scholarship this year. Also, the Center for Community Solutions, which has three locations in San Diego, offers a variety of services and programs for abused women. Paruginog, who was unaware of these resources during her abusive relationship, wants to make sure women realize there is help. She urges victims not to feel trapped.
“Teens, women, men, elders and even children are affected by domestic violence,” Paruginog said. “We need to educate ourselves, each other and, more importantly, our next generation. We need to promote healthy relationships. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no excuse for abuse.”
