Troubled Traditionalist: I’m a traditionalist when it comes to dating. I like the man to ask me out, pick me up and—most importantly pay for the date. My boyfriend did most of these things early on in our relationship, and I thought it impressive that he was such a gentleman. Lately, though, he hasn’t seemed as eager to pick up the tab, even if it’s just out on a lunch date. Am I wrong for expecting him to be the one to take out his wallet when the bill comes?
Love Guru: In your case, the song “Gold Digger” by Kanye West comes to mind. Are you dating the man for his money? Or have you forgotten the whole concept of dating in general? Yes, it’s always a courtesy for the guy to pay for the first date, or even the first few dates, but at a certain point, it should even out between both of you. It’s nice every once in a while when the woman at least offers to pay for dinner or split the bill, even if the man insists on paying. It shows that she is mindful of someone’s needs besides her own. I can tell you this: Expecting your man to spoil you is no way to keep him around. Whether he can afford to take you out or not, it’s unfair to always expect him to. You will start giving him the wrong idea about what you truly want out of your relationship. Not only that, but no one likes feeling used, especially when it comes to doing something as kind as paying for a movie or a meal. Next time, respect him enough to reciprocate a little bit. It will show him you care about spending time with him and not his $100 bills.
Ring for Spring: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six years. I feel like since we live together, he doesn’t feel like he has to propose. We’ve talked about marriage in the future, but I feel like he is thinking years later than I am. How do I approach this without nagging him?
Love Guru: While girls dream about their wedding day since childhood, men are much less inclined to rush into matrimony. Since you live with him, he probably feels very stable in the relationship and is in no rush to slip a ring on your finger. However, if you are sure he is “the one” and you have already talked about marriage, it’s OK to nag a little bit. Make comments about how lucky you are to be with him since he will be such a good husband and father one day. The ego boost will make him feel less nagged and more called to action. Also, you guys are no longer teenagers and six years is a long time. If he doesn’t get the hint, you should be more direct. Tell him you love him and marriage needs to be part of the equation. Don’t set a time line, but talk about what things you both want to accomplish before walking down the aisle. This conversation will give you an idea of why he is holding back.
Snooping Sweetheart: I found a text from my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend on his phone. It was nothing incriminating, but he says they don’t talk anymore and now I feel like he is lying, but I can’t confront him without confessing that I snooped. What should I do?
Love Guru: Unless you really believe he haven’t moved onfrom his ex, the text isn’t a big deal, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If you confront him, he will think you don’t trust him and he won’t trust you around his phone anymore. However, you both need to be more clear on what communication is OK with exes. He may think texting and messaging via Facebook are OK because he’s not meeting with them face-to-face. You need to stop snooping and ask yourself why you felt the need to look through his phone. Is he flirty with other girls? Is he lacking commitment? Address the root of the problem instead of fishing for evidence. Hopefully, you two can build enough trust to make the relationship work.
