I’m a privileged white kid who’s been given every convenience and opportunity since the day I was born, and now I’m about to be cast out into the dark, spiraling abyss that is the real world. Help.
That’s right fellow seniors, graduation is upon us; although if you’re graduating, I don’t need to tell you that. Personally, it’s all anyone ever seems to want to talk to me about.
“What are your plans after May?”
“Do you have a job lined up?”
“Why are you sweating so profusely right now?”
It’s a series of questions just about every friend, family member, co-worker, family member, random person at a party, family member, person who takes my order at Denny’s, family member, person who sells me knockoff sunglasses or family member asks me every time we see each other. I, however, have it easy compared to my dream self, who gets barraged nightly by these questions, with the added fun that the “person” asking the questions is a gorilla-shaped dementor wearing a tie and critiquing my resume.
In case it’s not apparent by my general outlook on the universe, I do not have a job lined up for after graduation. I have a job now, but that’s going to end pretty soon. Despite my daily sobbing pleas, I’m told I cannot continue to work at this student newspaper after I cease to be a student. They say this as if it’ll stop my daily sobbing.
I’ve got it pretty good here, after all. As a senior finishing up my degree, I’m only taking a couple of classes, and I’ve got things pretty much figured out for now. I’ve found a pretty comfortable niche here, so to speak. I’m usually not into the whole “helping others” business, but I’ll impart a few small bits of wisdom for those of you who are lucky enough to avoid responsibility a few years longer.
1. Don’t buy food prepared at the Aztec Market.
Especially the sushi. But, if I have to tell you that, natural selection really should have weeded you out by now.
2. Don’t waste your time at Aztec Nights.
Sorry, San Diego State and Cultural Arts Special Events, but these icebreaker activities pale in comparison to some of the underage activities open to San Diegans. Try going to the beach, seeing some live music performance or getting lost downtown. Trust me, it’ll beat standing in a big, high-fiving circle for half an hour, which I actually got suckered into doing freshman year.
3. Enjoy the campus.
We have some pretty incredible outdoor areas on campus, and seeing as this is San Diego, don’t force yourself to be miserably clammed up in the library. Go to the turtle pond, the Hepner Hall courtyard or just find a spot on Campanile Walkway. It’s a great place to nap, read or kill time.
4. Steal something from a frat party.
I don’t know, maybe don’t do this. I just always wanted to. This probably isn’t the best idea, but one year, someone stole the huge “N” from the Nu Alpha Kappa Fraternity house and it was funny.
5. Skip class.
Don’t skip to stay at home and play “Call of Duty” or because you’re too hungover from the night before, but because college may be your last chance to get away with being a little irresponsible and stupid every once in a while. So skip class, do something spontaneous and get away from campus. Just don’t go overboard and forget the ridiculous amount of money you (or your parents) are schlecking out for this whole thing. Or, go overboard. I guess it’s really none of my business.
I suppose this is the part where I’m supposed to conclude with cliches such as, “cherish it while it lasts,” and “be careful, because it goes by faster than you expect,” and “don’t just take their word for it that they’re 18,” but what right do I have to lecture you? Do what you feel and don’t worry about following every piece of advice you’re given. Most of it won’t be any more useful than the ramblings of a soon-to-be-unemployed college graduate anyway. But maybe not listening to anyone else’s advice is bad advice, and I’m just bad at giving advice. Or maybe the fact that I’m self-aware enough to think this proves I’m capable of giving good advice, in which case you should take my advice to not listen to advice. I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t wasted the last four years taking all of those philosophy classes.
