I’ve never cared much for Valentine’s Day, but it is a good excuse for me to get all fancied up and be treated to something nice. This year, I have the perfect date: Me.

I’ve been single for a while now, so this year I decided I wanted a date. And who better in the world to be my date than me? I already know I’m awesome, so obviously I’m the best choice. I often share great conversation with myself, and damn, I can cook.

So tonight is all about me. Just because every other day of the year is about me doesn’t mean I can’t make one day especially fun. After work I think I’ll stop by the store and get me a nice bottle of wine. I do like flowers, and I know how much of a sweet tooth I have, so the cliche roses and chocolate are mandatory. I’m sure I’ll like that. When I get home I’ll make a nice dinner, and perhaps watch a cute Disney movie with myself because I’m into that. Aren’t I great?

It’s not easy being this fabulous. Do you know how many potential Valentines I had to turn down this year? None, but just because I was stuck on Netflix last week watching sappy unrealistic romance movies and consoling a bucket of ice cream salted by my lonely tears doesn’t mean I have to accept a sad fate as a single lady. Many women praise their singledom, and I’m beginning to understand why.

Boys are obnoxious. Sorry, guys. I know it isn’t all of you, but, well, it is. I’ve done the couples dance for a good chunk of my life, and if I’ve learned one thing about relationships it’s that boys never grow up. They have their moments, and I’m no epitome of adulthood either (I’m proud to have successfully taught my mother proper timing for “that’s what she said” jokes), but the line has to be drawn somewhere. And so far, I haven’t been impressed. Prince Charming can find somewhere to stick it (insert joke here).

This Valentine’s Day, whether you’re single or loving life with your significant other, take some time to appreciate you. Sure, it’s nice to have someone do that for you, but true satisfaction comes from within. Now if you’ll excuse me, reaching this level of awesome takes some preparation, so I’d better get started.