Being a San Diegan is tough.
Everyone thinks we have it so easy, as part of the only region in the country that isn’t currently buried in snow. But we have our own problems, I assure you–San Diego isn’t always fluffy clouds and sunshine. Most of the time, but not always.
See, the weather here is tricky. Everyone loves to joke about how San Diegans can’t handle “real” weather, but they don’t understand the serious psychological impact a little water can have on our sun-bleached psyches.
It begins in the atmosphere. A strange darkness descends upon our beautiful lands as the sun disappears behind ominous-looking clouds. Cold, stinging needles fall from the sky, covering everything in a slick layer of precipitation, something we’re just not mentally equipped to handle. Then, all hell breaks loose. It’s as if everyone west of the San Andreas Fault has short-circuited, unable to function in this strange water world.
We aren’t afraid of the rain; we’re afraid of the morons who can’t drive in it. Where there’s a storm there’s always a string of accidents that follow. Our freeways are typically raceways on any regular day, and people tend to forget that power sliding is only cool in “Mario Kart.” I’m not saying I’m better than any other wacko on the road; of course not. There’s a reason I have new rims on my poor little battle-scarred car, and let’s just say I left the scene in better shape than the sidewalk.
It isn’t just the roads we have to worry about. Because the winter weather can be so fickle in San Diego, we never really know how to dress. Half of us are prepared for the Ice Age while the rest are ready to hit the beach. It’s insanity, I tell you. And then there are the girls who put the “ugh” in Ugg boots. It’s as if they can’t decide which setting they should prepare for, and to compensate they contrast their stupid-looking boots with their equally-offensive booty shorts. Crimes against fashion are still crimes, people.
So those of you who aren’t familiar with our southern California ways, give us some slack. We’re doing the best we can with the limited amount of skills we have in this winter wonderland. We admire you midwest and easterners, for if it weren’t for you we’d be the ones forced to shovel snow day in and day out. And that’s something our poor Californian minds just can’t handle. I’ll be sure to drink a piña colada in your honor when I’m frying on the sandy shores next week.
