For those who remember several months ago I publicly announced, by means of this back page, that I decided to partake in the game of dating apps.

So I’ve gone on some dates with women I refer to as “randoms,” because to me the initial in-person meeting feels like chance. It’s a random encounter, with a random person, where all I can do is hope that I interpreted those texts messages correctly.

I feel I must advise readers that in the realm of online dating I have learned that interpretation is everything. How one person interprets a picture is completely different from how another interprets a picture. We should add how the person who posted the picture probably had a different interpretation of it also.

To justify my personal dating endeavors, let me add that the lesbian scene in my geolocation is getting slightly repetitive. And that includes online.

Note that Hillcrest is a concentrated population that I have been fishing in since I became legal to jump in the pond.

What have I learned from these dating experiences?

Let’s dive right into topic about the perfect selfie for a dating profile. As we know ‘swiping’ is one of the most prominent dating app trends. To play the online dating game, one must be ready to swipe left or right to other random people online.

A profile selfie has to sell it. Sell everything you got going on physically in a two-second glance over.

Some online will try to go with more personality in these pictures, but let’s remember interpretation is almost always unique to each audience member.

My personal preference is a girl that doesn’t look too “thirsty.” I highly doubt the thirsty look is just an evening expression for lustful homosexuals on the prowl in Rich’s or Gossip Grille.

When playing the “swipe randoms game,” I obviously play with eyes for women I find physically attractive to me.

I really do think online dating is similar to “real-life” dating in that we are all aiming for people that we find both physically and mentally attractive.

If she has too many clothes-less selfies, I assume she takes off her clothes too fast and then my anxiety for STDs starts to flair. To prevent having to ingest a Klonopin while dating from my couch, I usually swipe no to the ones giving away too much free.

Emphasis on usually, because hey maybe I’m being judgmental. I have a tendency to be judgmental, and who said you can’t turn a harlot into a housewife? People can change their entire personalities for relationships, right?

To finish the swipes and selfies topic, I also prefer no outwardly obsessive Insane Clown Posse fans. I have nothing against a ‘juggalo’ but too much make-up is usually a turn off for me, and clown make up on your suitor seeking dating app profile picture is a quick ‘no’ swipe.

For me I feel like there is a bit of passive aggressive behavior in the lesbian dating app realm. I’m getting winked at and liked by the same people in our small pond, but receive few attempts for actual dialog.

When I decide to overcome fear of rejection from a random, I get the cold online shoulder or responses weeks later. Maybe I’m complaining.

I wonder if anyone can answer my question about the appropriate response time in a dating app.

There is a bright side to dating, both online and that old school off-line method. You meet a person that is worth having an actual first date with.

The first-time hang out should be more of a “get to know you” scenario, where I find out whether my random hopeful believes showering and dental hygiene is important.

I like to keep it super casual and simple, for me it’s more of a “find out whether or not you’re a lunatic,” or a “So you sell crack? We might not have much in common then.”

When meeting a random, I always go with an open mind and absolutely no expectations. Did I mention the part about well-lit, public spaces and driving my own car? Or was that common sense?

As a homosexual I’m often asked by my friends who have never been on a same-sex date “Who pays for the bill at the end and what does that mean?”

I will close this column with a response to that question, go on a date with a person of the same sex and find out on your own how that works.

Good luck swiping!