A common misconception is that once you leave college, you will be a better version of yourself. But this is not always true. There are many things you learn in college that actually leave you less prepared for the real world than when you first entered. My story takes place at a recent family wedding where I came to the painful conclusion that college had taught me all the wrong things when it comes to dancing with family members.

Let’s backtrack a little: When I first came to college, I had many things to learn academically and socially. I can still remember my first college party. I walked around making awkward conversations with people about what they were drinking and what a great time we were all having, but what I really wanted to do was dance with all the pretty girls. However, I did not know how to dance, so I sat in the corner letting life pass me by. Picture me with a small cloud over my head pouring rain on me. Yes, it was that sad.

I wanted to find a way to join the lovely ladies on the dance floor, so I asked a friend of mine to explain the art of college dancing. I’ll spare you the colorful language and metaphors he used, but basically what I got from the conversation is if you bury yourself in a group of people and get close enough to grind on someone, it makes it more difficult for others to see: 1.) You don’t have rhythm 2.) You don’t have dance moves and 3.) You lack the coordination to know what your body is doing.

I remember thinking, “Finally, someone’s speaking my language.”

So, much like a zebra, I jumped into the mass of people hoping my awkward movements would be masked by the group. I was a little timid at first, and for good reason. I was on my way up to a girl to aggressively invade her personal space. But I soon learned this move was par for the course. Everybody was doing it. There seemed to be a consensus among the people on the dance floor that as long as I smiled and didn’t sneak up on my partner, then we could both view this act as nonsexual … kind of (and only sometimes).

This leads me to my recent crisis at a family wedding. Wedding receptions are just catered, manicured house parties, except this particular party was swarming with people I refused to grind with. There were grandmas, in-laws whose good looks you can’t acknowledge and little flower girls in attendance. I began to panic because I knew it would be inappropriate to expose this crowd to my brand of dancing. I wasn’t going to dance with a non-relative, because I feared they would misinterpret my dancing as some depraved sexual act even though, in my mind, there is nothing sexual about it, and I wasn’t going to dance with a family member because that would just be gross.

It became apparent my six years in college had left me unprepared for this real world situation. I could feel that small cloud beginning to form over my head again.

This is not a time to feel sad for me though, because this is a story of triumph. As I sat there I decided I wasn’t going to make excuses anymore. I reassured myself college doesn’t teach you how to fail; it teaches you how to use your specific knowledge to compensate for the fact you can’t do things the average seventh grader can do (like algebra).

I was determined to prove to myself that for every useless habit I picked up in college I had learned 20 useful ones. That’s when I came up with the plan to employ some of the other things I learned in college to help me through my crisis.

Instead of dancing, I avoided eye contact with people as they walked by and drank an unhealthy amount of free booze until my mom drove me home. Problem solved.

—Danny Penera is a journalism junior who encourages others to, when in doubt, give it the old college try.

—This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.