I was the only audience to my 10-year-old brother beating my 14-year-old cousin in Alien Hominid when my mom took the empty seat beside me. She caught me smiling when my brother rubbed his victory in my cousin’s face.

“You should smile more often,” she suggested. My expression dropped immediately.

“People will think I have a soul,” I quipped.

OK, so I didn’t say that. I mumbled that it took too much effort. But refusing to let my pessimism foil her goal, she said, with a smile, that I’d look friendlier.

“You wouldn’t look like Oscar the Grouch,” she added.

I reminded her that I smiled and laughed often. The issue was trying to do that with people I’m not close to. It’s not like I dislike meeting new people, either. It’s just so much more thrilling to look like a secret assassin (think Angelina Jolie in “Wanted”) than Mary Poppins.

Since then, I’ve tried her suggestion countless times. A recent instance was when I was walking to class. My target: a harmless-looking guy sitting on a bench, obviously people-watching but pretending that he was waiting for someone important (invisible girlfriend, maybe?) to show up. My mission: to get him to smile back at me. The result: He didn’t (I suspected that his invisible girlfriend had just graced the presence of his pathetic head, wherein sat his miserable excuse for an imagination).

I tried again during lecture. This time, it was an Asian girl sitting in the same row. I thought I’d try on someone my kind, because we’re supposedly one of the friendliest races in the world. (Need proof? Just look at our pictures. We’re either holding the peace sign up to our chest or to the back of someone’s head, all while maintaining smiles that will put the Chesire cat to shame.) She was mindlessly examining the room when we locked eyes.

Exerting enough energy on my facial muscles, I contorted my lips into a smile and uncomfortably held it in place. You would’ve given me credit for holding it longer than I should’ve, which is why I started to get impatient. Smile back already, woman, or give me a hint that I at least look human. The corners of my mouth drooped when she immediately turned to face the board. Was it really that bad?

I should take a tube of bright red lipstick and paint a wide smile on my face, alas The Joker. That way I wouldn’t have to worry about looking friendly. Wait – bad idea. I’ll look even more sinister. Sigh.

Knowing how difficult this is for me, perhaps you can do me a favor. When you hear the professor call out my name during roll call, pay a glance my way and smile at me. I promise I’ll put in more effort than I did with the other two. And if I feel comfortable enough, I’ll even throw in one of our famous Asian peace signs (but there’ll be an extra charge if you want me to hold it up to the back of someone’s head).

Just don’t expect me to react immediately. I have a soulless, secret assassin reputation to uphold.

-Kathryn Danganan is a communication senior.

-This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Daily Aztec.