Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse have a lot in common. While zombies scour the earth with the sole purpose of devouring human flesh, crazed deal hunters exhibit the same level of determination toward their purpose—buying as many discounted items their bank accounts allow. While the comparison may seem extreme, take a moment to consider the “zombie-esque” reckless abandon and overall apathy toward the well-being of others some shoppers embrace on Black Friday. With that in mind, here are some rules to survive Black Friday inspired by the un-dead-inspired flick “Zombieland.”

#1 Travel in a group

The odds of making it out of Black Friday with everything you want dramatically increase if you travel in a group. Imagine a Disney’s “Mighty Ducks” inspired “flying V”—comprised of you and your friends—making its way down the aisles of Best Buy, guarding your coveted flat screen television. Soccer moms and stay-at-home dads will have no choice but to clear a path.

#2 Know your way out

The best advice I ever received about Black Friday was to scope out the store a day or two before the madness begins. Remember, retailers move their best merchandise to the front of the store the night before Black Friday. Prior knowledge of where the exits are will cut down on the time you’re actually in the store after your purchase. Remember, people don’t care if you’ve already bought something—to them, its still fair game.

#3 Don’t be a hero

Here’s the scenario. You’re two steps away from grabbing the last PlayStation 3 on sale in Wal-Mart. To your left, a senior citizen is in a tug of war battle with a gentleman who appears to be in a biker gang. To your right, a toddler catches an arid stream of pepper spray in the eye from a woman who resembles the Octomom. Is it your responsibility to assist either of these unfortunate souls? No! One false move and the Christmas gift you waited hours for ends up in the hands of a crater faced teenager wearing a “Vote for Pedro” T-shirt.

#4 Be ruthless

Similar to rule #3, you have to look out for yourself in the battle zone that is Black Friday. It’s tempting to take money from friends and loved ones who decided to stay sleep in because they were physically unable to leave home and buy them what they want. But when it comes down to wasting precious time looking for the dinette set your mother wanted instead of grabbing the last MacBook—be ruthless. Order your mom what she wants via the internet on Black Monday (see J. Hutton Marshall’s article).

#5 Enjoy the little things

So many wonderful sights and sounds come from the Black Friday experience. The symphony of parents cursing the heavens because their car got towed accented by the mirage of flashing lights from police cars hauling away grab-and-dash suspects offer you the enjoyment of a spectacle usually saved for reality television. Don’t take the little things for granted. They’ll make for a great blog post or funny story while having drinks with friends.