The life of a procrastinator

by Kellie Miller, Staff Writer

Here’s the deal. Putting off homework until the last possible minute should not be deemed as irresponsible or poor time management. In fact, those who procrastinate are actually making the world a better place and will be the ones to rule it.

How? Well, while some students hastily work on a given assignment, students who procrastinate literally do every single thing on a to-do list and then decide it’s time to solve every problem known to mankind.

Let’s just say the procrastinator is you. Your typical day starts with a 4 a.m. wake-up call to finish your paper, assigned weeks ago, that is now due in a few hours.

After you submit your assignment there is short-lived relief before you remember the next paper is due tomorrow at 11 a.m. You try to go back to sleep for another hour or two.

After class the next day, grogginess kicks in and the idea of napping in your cozy bed becomes tantalizing.

“I know I shouldn’t. But, like…should I?”

No, the gym is the answer. Not only are you waking yourself up, but you also don’t have to feel guilty about not working on your summer bod. It’s really a win-win for all the voices in your head.

Next stop, library? Nope. You realize you’re out of groceries, so you stop at the grocery store — maybe two — on your way home to finally shower.

Once you’re home, you hit a wall. Power nap? No, because you know you won’t wake up. Netflix? Mental breaks are crucial. After watching one show — maybe two — you sadly decide it’s time to work.

Then, you freak out because there’s no way you can concentrate with a messy room. It is absolutely vital that you put your clothes away, organize your desk and dresser, vacuum your room and every other room, dust anything and everything, clean the mirror for the perfect reflection, come up with an entirely new organization system, build yourself a bookshelf and possibly dig a tunnel to China. All right, you’re done. Man, food sounds good.

It’s time to make dinner, so you might as well prep your meals for the week. You need to: trim and marinate the chicken, wash, peel and chop the vegetables, turn the oven and stove on to cook tonight’s dinner and tomorrow’s lunch and separate everything into different containers. Then you have to do all the dishes and put everything away. Being responsible is tiresome.

You sit down and open your laptop. It’s okay because you’ve been mentally preparing for this all day. The research starts and you’re making moves.

Suddenly, you have all these pressing questions and concerns about the world that you need answered immediately. I mean you’re already on your laptop “getting work done.” One site leads to another, and then research has now turned into Facebook stalking your best-friend’s roommate’s boyfriend’s little sister’s hot soccer coach. Um, what is happening?

By now you have found the cure for cancer, cracked the De Vinci Code and established that you probably need some sort of restraining order because you’re a stalker. Back to work.

You start to zone out around 2 a.m. Going to sleep might be a bad idea, but laying down for a minute couldn’t hurt. You lay down in bed, away from the tortuous entrapment that is your assignment. You’re too tired right now to produce fine quality, so you decide a couple hours of sleep will be for the best. You’ll just get up early to make sure there is enough time.

Therefore, you set your alarm for 4 a.m.